Sometimes…

I’m worried that even if people want to read my writing, they won’t be able to, because my website is too slow lol. Currently, I’m deep into tyedying and screenprinting my own shirts. I’m quite hopeful that this venture will generate enough of an income for me to dedicate more of my faculties to writing. Selling shirts to support writing seems like an honest gig, but if it works, why is no one else doing it? Unless they are…

 

I can see that people come to this website everyday, but most people don’t stick around. I don’t feel any pressure to post more often, because, well, this is my personal blog; it’s all about my writing for enjoyment’s purposes. If you desire to read more from me, you can always check out asmr.community where I write a daily blog for alcoholics and addicts. As an alcoholic myself, I find great value in a daily connection, and so I want to provide that to the world, incase they need it. But uhh, yeah, I don’t feel any pressure to post more, but when I see people coming and going everyday, it makes me wonder…have you read everything I’ve ever written? I’m not under the impression anyone has done such a thing, but sometimes the analytics make me think otherwise.

x. Spark Twain

Keep Secrets

The time is 22:13 and I am writing this to you from ___________________. Ahh, I feel better already. I really do enjoy writing. It gives to me a feeling of hope with which I can not find elsewhere. Sure, only 1,618 people have come to my website this year, but I honestly believe someday I’ll get to tell you “1,000,000 ppl came to my website this year,” and that hope is what allows me to write in the fashion in which I write. When you write fiction, people won’t read it if it isn’t good. It takes practice to get good with fiction. I guess if I lived in a world without computers I would have probably followed through with my dreams of fiction writing. When I was a younger chap the fantastical side of me had a much wider berth, and so I thought often of fiction. One time, I remember I wrote this story about a bad acid trip, but I was like 14 at the time of my writing it and I had never taken acid at that time. Shows you what I was interested in! In truth, I wrote a lot when I was younger, and I suppose I kept track of the files and whatnot for sometime, but eventually I did lose them. Night after night I would sit at that computer in our kitchen, my mom and I’s apartment, and I would often write. What happened to those stories? I guess in the back of my head I feel like I might someday come across them. Alas, they are computer files, not paper notes, and so they are lost to the ether of our history; another story to have come and gone at the flip of a switch. One would have thought as the future progressed we would have only made it more difficult to destroy writing, but with that endeavor we made it easier to destroy also.

“Belief is a beautiful armor, but makes for the heaviest sword. Like punching underwater, you never can hit who you’re trying for. Some need the exhibition, and some have to know they tried. It’s the chemical weapon for the war that’s going on inside. Oh, everyone believes.” – John Mayer, Belief.

I believe you, bro. Although, I happen to hold my belief close to heart. If I do not hit who I am trying for, I’m damn sure gonna hit somebody. oml

I believe that everyone has potential, but I by no means believe that everyone lives a beautiful life. The beauty of cognizance is awareness. What makes us, us, is our potential. What makes us, us, is our actions. What fucks us up is the current president of the United States. Did you see that this guy and his goons made it so information is no longer being sent to the CDC, and now it’s being sent to some private company? Phooey and Pisha! These assholes are going to withhold information from us! I swear to Gibi if I have become the president of United States to fix this shit I will! But first, I want to kick somebody’s ass! I’m in an ass kicking mood. Is Donald Trump going to die without ever having received a good asswhooping? What country do I live in? I thought America was the home of the asswhooping! Europe was torturing and killing each other for thousands of years, but did they kick any ass? Oh shit…but we had slavery. And we killed almost all the native Americans. What would Chief Seattle do? Honestly, I haven’t the faintest inkling or propose to that question. Do you think he would whoop somebodies ass? I’d like to think he would – if that somebody was leading the world’s largest economy into a cesspool of despair. A lot of people are going to die, and then hella people are going to be poor. But Trump and his goonies are actually making money through all this. Our nations education is not up to speed with our tech sector, nor our modern pace of life. The education in China is probably more evenly spread because they oppress their people equally. If you had to take a guess at which group of individuals suffered more oppression in the United States than any other group, what group would you pick? If you picked Black America, you are correct – although that doesn’t qualify you as Woke. You will know if you’re woke – no wait. Other people will know if your woke. Honestly, I wouldn’t even worry about it. Just be yourself.

Can we really call the position of Black America ‘oppressed?’ I think the answer to that is a hard yes. First of all, we have a denial problem. No black person in America, or the world for that matter thinks that slavery can be made up for. But holy shit, admitting that it’s effects linger until this day should be a basic function. It’s crazy that most of the planet can see myriad problems, but the people causing the problems are actually running the place. Those people running the planet, I believe they have gotten there using two things side by side. First: shed your emotions. That’s gotta happen right outta the gate. Did you know that Donald Trump’s lawyer was Roy Fucking Cohn like 20 years ago? It doesn’t even matter when! According to that show on Netflix Roy Cohn was the lawyer for all four crime family bosses in New York. I mean, hella people know who Roy Cohn is. Ask your Dad if he knew that Trump’s lawyer was Roy Cohn in the 80’s. See what he says lol. You know why I believe things are going to change forever though? The fucking internet.

x Spark Twain

Cream City Hostel 1

The time is 01:07 in the morning and I am writing to you from Cream City Hostel in Milwaukee Wisconsin. I am in my bunk. In my ear is the sound of Ben Gibbard. The song is recycled air. Remastered edition; why not? He wouldn’t put it out if he didn’t think is was worth listening to…now that I am thinking about it I am not so sure. I mean, with 100% certainty the quality and complexity of musical instruments and production equipment will increase to a level we as a humanity have never seen, heard, or experienced in ten years, and the same can be said for the distance of 2003 to 2013. I’m not sure that constitutes me paying for the same album twice [yay! Spoitfy], but it definitely means the people who haven’t purchased the album will get a better product with the remastered version. OMG The time is 01:14 and I can’t believe I am still writing that same thought. You should see what the fuck is going through my head. This shit is crazy right now! I’ve got a lot going though my brain that, things I haven’t I thought in a while. I am writing with my eyes closed and this is something I have not done before, at least extensively. I am only pretty sure I am typing the right things. I need to get better at this. I suppose my shoulder and hand will feel it in the morning; I have been having some serious wrist and hand issues recently. They are not the same thing. I have hella typos on my page. And I’m still not writing about the wright stuff.

My window sits on Holton street. I know that if I keep writing while I sit like this it wont be good for my back. My hand either…I gotta get my shit together. The reason I am here in Milwaukee is the same reason I’ve been everywhere since I left this place. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be back, but here I am! I am definitely being treated like an employee, which would make this the second hostel I have worked at.

Excited for the superior water quality of Milwaukee, I am.

Watching the show Atlanta, I heard, for the second time in my life, about Florida Man. My father was the first person to inform me of Florida Man.

Stoned, I am, and almost certainly in-tune with my Body? Omg I am a little frighted and how certain I am that that is true. That means I need to need to see a doctor. Should I take advantage of the free healthcare system of Milwaukee one more time you guys? Somehow I think I am going to have to pay this time…or would I only be paying because I feel obligated? Fuck man…maybe.

What am I going to do tomorrow? Right now, I am thinking I should write the journey of my story to sobriety in even more depth than the version I sent to the lady from TMJ4; that I found out isn’t really even from TMJ4. So many people OD today…the line between making money and doing the right thing is so blurred, and honestly, I don’t know how anyone that wants it as bad as me could even exist on this Earth, because, well, the vibes are too good on this planet.

All week I have been watching The Orville with my Father, and that shit is intense. We just finished the one where the K-LON [think I am spelling that correctly?] attempt to take over earth.

[on a sidenote, anyone who reads my asmr.community blog about addiction recovery, might consider listening to Turn Around by The Postal Service. He’s got you, man.]

The K-Lon episode was a two-parter. I just turned the light off. Usually I don’t mention people by name in my blog, and honestly, although I have asked him twice, I still can’t remember the guys name I am now living with. 30 days I will be living with this man. I can’t believe I forgot his name twice in a row. I am shit. Lol, I’m kidding. In fact, did I ever finish my thought before about how no one who wants it like me could be possibly be any different? That’s because I know with certainty that I am a good person. Ask anyone that knows me, seriously! lol At this point, I think I know a lot of people. One time my Father told me about how my godfather Eric has friends in California. He said “Yeah, Eric knows people all over. He has actual friends in California that he talks to,” and I am pretty sure that’s how he said it. Actually I have no idea, I am just making that up. My Father is a really inspiring person. Growing up with him made me who I am. I mean, no joke. I meet other people, and I like them sometimes, and I love them a lot. But I don’t think any of you boso’s are as cool as me. It is so that knowledge feels more practical than being cool does, however both of those things are the result of our DNA. I capitalized that for legibility purposes only, but on principal I think that word should be lower case. In the future I will write it lower …ehh I take that back. I theorize the writer that capitalizes, capitalizes. Is it a capitol letter or a capital letter? I think the latter, and so my sentence is good. What the fuck you working with; and I can rap, bitch. What’s got two wings and is fly as hell? This Unicorn, bitch. I take the cherry of the blunt, and I smoke that end. Okay, now I’m just being cocky. I don’t drink alcohol, and that’s what makes me cool.

What the fuck is cool, anyway? Does smoking and doing drugs make you cool? I don’t think so. I think one can only be born cool. Those who are not cool, do not want to be cool. Take a look at me now? There’s just an empty space. My going back to you is against the odds, and that’s just what I’ve got to fase. I did that on accident, deleted it, and then put it back how it was because it reminds me of jack the ripper.

My right hand has such a seriously weird feeling going on, and this certainly isn’t caused by being high. This is caused by my damn shoulder. Smoking and doing drugs makes you crippled, if you ask me about it. Bitch.

Getting a one-handed keyboard would probably be faster, eventually, for me than continuing to do things with two hands. I will always know how to write with two hands efficiently, but if I began learning the left hand only keyboard at 27, then at least I would do seriously well preserving the function of my right hand. Hmm. It’s scary to think about medical stuff; it pretty much 100% of the time freaks me out. If it wasn’t for my grandpa, I wouldn’t be brave when it comes to hospital visits. Thank you for that, G.

I call my grandpa G. Do a lot of you guys do that?

My writing adds up to the equivalent of a book, yet I am doing it online. I am truly the future of authors. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love to read a paperback book, it’s practically the only way I do it!

But I am not writing a book. Idkwtf I am writing. Ben sings a lot about a girl he misses on this album. Is that every album> I don’t feel like it.

They will see us from such great heights. Come down, down…they’ll say.

Though everything looks perfect from far away, come down down. But we’ll stay.

The heater next to me makes some serious noise. It’s kind of fitting, and kind of nice that I am next to the heater. Keep the heater by my side for them buggy’s tyrna ride. I learned it cuz that city that I’m from aint run and hide. I suggest you find your business and mind it. I write rap undecided. Like should I do or should I don’t. I never rapped this, only read this bro.

If that aint the definition of open to interpretation, idk what is.

If it wasn’t for Clifford Harris, I wouldn’t even know a man this cocky could exist in society. Thanks bro.

Am I closer to Charles Bukowski or T.I.? Am I a sad man writing about wanting to have sex with people because I am missing out on it myself? Or, at 27, am I just setting myself up to never miss out, thusly fulfilling the proficiency, which read: one day, a man would be born to be scum, but he would grow to be a great leader. And after a fall so great, he would rise from the ashes, and grow further, to become king!

My roommate’s phone just started ringing. Ah, it’s the hostels phone number. Ah, I am thinking it is a strange person on the other end of the phone. Omg they…omg I just learned something about the world. Just make sure to ask a lot of questions, and you will always get what you need. I don’t think this guy is going to read my blog…do you? No one reads my blog. Holy shit I am making some good things happen in my brain. This hostel is the shit. It’s absolutely the definition of what a hostel, at least as I know it in America, is. Should be? Yes, all things considered. The local folk probably flock to this place hellahellahella much. How the fuck can one man increase the tourism of Milwaukee in a few short years? Because…I know with certainty that it is possible. I just need to YouTube. Hella YouTube. Actually these days I am thinking TikTok. If I increased tourism in Milwaukee, I bet they would give special treatment in regards to smoking weed here. They’d be all like “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to put that ou…oh shit! You’re that dude I saw about in the news paper; said you drove crime out of the city entirely. Will you sign my man titties?”

Do you understand that there are people who exist that really think of the cops in that light? And rap music promotes it! Not Jay Z though! At least anymore. I mean listen to U Dont Know, or shit, go head and listen to nymp. But then listen to The Story of O.J. Jay Z is a changed man. He doesn’t spell it out for you, but it’s there.

SuperEgo beats, if you’re reading this, I know I am just a punk that freestyles, but I really think my rap music is really good. It’s like…it’s like I am sorry to the people of earth for selling my computer in 2012 to pay rent and buy drugs; but mostly just to buy drugs. Jared and I had a bunch of music on there, and I just…sold it. The kids who bought it prolly knew I was buying drugs. I asked them not to wipe the thing for a couple hours because, actually, I think I just wanted to get high. Literally. I know I had to pay rent…but there is no way that I would have not pushed off paying rent to save that music. Well, anyway, it doesn’t matter. I wasn’t in my right mind. I was sniffing a lot of heroin, and whatever else the dealers put in that stuff. I must be changing. I didn’t ever call him my guy. His name was Rahlo. Think I will edit that out when I post it? I might just not post this until I leave the neighborhood. He used to live around the corner, I am pretty sure. Last I heard he went to jail for guns. I guess I don’t really know if he lived around the corner, but I picked up from him a couple of times where I saw him come out the back door of a house. White house red door. I have no idea if that’s true, but that’s the image I have in my head. He is wearing a white fit with red shoes. He looks kinna like Kevin Gates. I don’t know if I would really recognize the guy if I saw him again. The relation you have with your drug dealer is the kind of relationship you maybe want to forget. If you don’t, I did. Only for legal reasons though, don’t be thinking I’m getting all emotional on you. Idk how many times I have listened to this album now, but the time is 02:27, and the day is February 28th, 2020. And we become, silouettesasourbodiesfinnalyglow. Wow he said that fast in this version. Kind of cool. Somehow knowing the song makes that variation all that much more satisfying. That isn’t how I wanted to write that. But I am already thinking about the next thing now. My dad sent me this text earlier, and it said: “It’s so interesting that seeing the pictures beings up an exact memory of how it must feel.” I can tell he is sad, but I think it’s a pitifully beautiful thing. I am crying. I hope this guy doesn’t look over here and think I’m a bitch. I am just passionate about my craft. I cry harder for the passion of writing than for the love of my father, because I know he can take care of himself. I do miss my grandma though.

Spark Twain.

Pizza Shuttle 1

The time is 16:24. I am pretty sure I placed my order at 4:20 exactly, without intention. He doesn’t shoot, but he scores.!.

It’s March 2nd now, still 2020 vision, and I am writing this to you from Pizza Shuttle on Farwell avenue in Milwaukee Wisconsin. This pizza is so good! Now 16:28. I’m pretty stoned. Time for a new life in Milwaukee. Ha. That’s how it feels. I used to roam these streets hella, I guess I should take that into account. I’m doing the entirely wrong thing right now & writing w/ only my r hand.

After that I gave up on writing until my pizza was finished, which it now is. There is a vein in my face doing a weird thing. After my friend told me this story about a twitch he had in his face, I am thinking that some of my problems can be solved with some chiropractic work. I am quite surprised to see that I spelled chiropractic correct. I almost did it twice in a row. I write all my shit and edit it once before I post it, and get rid of all the spelling errors and shit, but for my first draft, shit is wild…

OMG! I forgot to tell you the craziest thing happened to me today! I was walking down Humboldt street, and I had just crossed North avenue coming from the south. Out of my left field of vision, a man suddenly turns to me, says “Excuse me young man, do you have a phone,” and by this time I had already said no and given him the crazy eyes, but I digress. “I’ll pay you for it,” and he held up, I swear, two nickles in my direction. “I just want to call my nephew.” What the fuck. This aint San Francisco! Why is this homeless guy doing drugs out in the 17 degree weather acting like it’s San Francisco! I was taken aback to say the least. Now really, all this means is that irrational homelessness is on the rise nationally, and to not talk about it would be…irresponsible. Everywhere I go, homeless people are asking me to use my phone so they can call their nephew. Hell. No. That is the only answer I am going to give. Life is hard as fuck. Most people just die. I’m sorry that social security aint doing it for you, but soon, the weed will be free…the weed will be free…

The time is 17:01 and I am thinking I will walk over to Rochambeau. I have no idea how to spell that…or maybe I do! Cool. No red line again. I think I’m just high…I might have known how to spell for a while.

What I need to do is write something I can post. The time will come. The time will come…

I guess people from Milwaukee reading my blog is most likely to get me paid for my writing the fastest. Moving the readership of the hostel blog over to my platforms should be…will be…an uncertain amount of difficult. We need to get our blog going well first [who tf is we?]. The first thing you gotta realize, is, there is plenty to write about. It’s more about how fast can you write it. The time is 17:04, and The Milwaukee Record posted three new City articles today. We gotta push it to the limit[who tf is we??]. There is a photo booth behind me and it’s kinna freaking me out. Imma take that walk now.

* * *

The time is 17:54 now and I am writing to you from Rochambeau. This is almost certain to become common place. Today they are out of pastries, but the nice lady side that was a rarity. This place is growing so fast, they pastry count is changing week-2-week.

I just called Boswell Book Company asking if they have any books by John Gurda, and I felt my questions bored the lady on the other end of the phone. Little does she know my intentions! Using the knowledge in those books, of which I intend to go in and buy all of, I will be be able to lead tours from the hostel, like, everyday. I mean seriously. This city has hella neighborhoods and I believe I can keep people entertained through at least 16 of them, probably closer to 24 though. Free tours everyday of the week! Seriously. That would bring the people in. And for me? Easy…seriously an easy task. 10,000% easier than turning an old church into a movie theater lol, which was a very real conversation I had earlier. I contrived a stock system for investments in local business’s, where the stock would divide at the third year…and from their I didn’t think any further. I am certain this is legally possible, but I am not sure how theoretically possible it is. People don’t work in teams based on investment, they work based on pay. Two or three people seems to be the demonstrated limit of agreement, at least between the people I observe, and at least in the places I have observed them. Riverwest might exceed the three people agreement limit, but, not with me as a partner. Free tours however? Yeah, I can handle that.

The time is now 18:18, and I am thinking of taking my leave. Do I go buy the books…or do I not buy the books. I could also go in the morning, but…nah I should totally go and buy them tonight. But the book store is open to a ridiculous 21:00. Do you think they do good business? Today, I am happy to support.

– Spark Twain

Philosophy of Addiction Recovery 1

In an effort to help people overcome addiction, I have been putting my full thought into how the industry of addiction recovery exists currently.

The methods I used to overcome alcoholism are aggressive, but only in the sense that they are unusual. For some individuals I recommend they overhaul every aspect of their life in order to propel change. This is an overstatement, but it’s better to overstate than understate when it comes to addiction.

There is so much stuff to do in this life! Think about all the daydreams you have about all the places you want to go. If you are a user of drugs or alcohol, I ask: do those daydreams coincide with using of said drugs or alcohol? If the answer is yes, I want you to expand your vision. There are different kinds of addictions that exist in this world, and some swallow you whole more than others. Many people might admit to having a coffee addiction, and that level of admittance is a variable by which we can measure how negatively impactful a substance is upon humanity.
How many people admit to using heroin?
How many people admit to eating mushrooms?

Heroin might someday be decriminalized, but it will never be condoned.

Psychedelic mushrooms on the other hand have recently become decriminalized in three U.S. Cities: Denver, CO, as well as Santa Cruz and Oakland, CA. This is a powerful statement from the people of America: “We understand this substance to be of no danger to society.”

We all know how the story of cannabis legalization goes. We are living it!

Me? I ate mushrooms prior to becoming an alcoholic, and perhaps the spiritual awakening I received from my 2 or 3 times eating psychedelic mushrooms played a factor in how I went about overcoming my addictions.

I want to tell you exactly how I did it; I want to tell you exactly how I overcame alcoholism. BUT! The story is – the story’s not over! Do I think I will ever go back to drinking alcohol? Not in a million years! I honestly believe that when it comes to alcohol addiction I have my sobriety down-pat. I specify alcohol addiction because I know I will never rid myself addiction fully, but for the benefit of my happiness I shed what commiserates me. I am a human not to be commiserated! This is the attitude I wield everyday, and with great effort! Who would I be to do what makes me unhappy?

When I was younger, all I knew was working at restaurants, and the amount of money I received seemed not worth my time [until I got to San Francisco]. What did I do instead of looking for something better? I drank alcohol! From 21 years old to 24 years old, I drank alcohol because it made me happy. It made me fucking happy! What more can I say? People would ask me if I was depressed, and I would get frustrated, because I didn’t feel depressed, necessarily, but! I did feel like I was falling behind in life. Down the road, lemme tell you: that feeling of falling behind in life? It leaves an unforgivable aftertaste.

So I was drinking, right? And I was drinking because it made life habitable. When I was drunk, work was not so miserable, and that was a fact I lived with everyday. I now know it was my misguided ambitions that put me on that road to failure. To tell you exactly why I became an addict is to tell you why I like the color purple. For some things, there is no why, only when.

This “when” is monumentally important. The last thing I want to turn into is some dude that goes around to highschool’s and gives speeches on alcoholism and addiction, but damn if I don’t think that recognizing the signs of addiction, and trusting mine [and everyones!], advice to avoid addiction is better then dealing with the problem after the fact.

Nothing is enjoyable without using drugs Twain, what do I do?”

The answer is simple as it is disappointing: Change Everything.

Change your hair from brown to blue if you think it will make you happy. Ahh! But remember, you must juggle the triage of life as you proceed. This means that if you can’t have blue hair at work, and you also can’t afford to ditch your job, you can not turn your hair from brown to blue.

Okay then…”

Blue hair wasn’t the move anyway. Unless it is! Then it’s the fucking move! But what about…uhh, what about learning something new? Is that a thing you’re interested in? Because I’ll tell you: allowing yourself to learn a new skill and gain new knowledge whilst simultaneously fighting addiction, can create a viciously powerful cycling effect that the enlightened call: Holding Yourself to a High Standard.

Holding Yourself to a High Standard is the type of thing that those individuals you look up to do, and it’s how they achieve their massive gains. Be it mentally, socially, economically, or physically, gains are achieved through hard work and consistency. Many people buy a gym membership lowkey using the membership [and it’s cost] as a catalyst to start working out. Mhm, does it work for everyone? But it does work for some people, right? Well, I believe it only works for those that make changes in other aspects of their life in tandem. Going to the gym is nothing without first abolishing fast food from your life, or actually spending the hard-time thinking about what makes you happy. Will going to the gym make you happy? If so, you might be ready to commit to a membership! Albeit, there are also individuals who might test themselves by excising in a park for a period of time to test the waters about their commitment; I think such is a healthy practice.

For those who desire to overcome addiction, I think enrolling at University is the most extreme catalyst one could thrust themselves into. That, or the military.

x. Spark Twain

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Fuel Cafe 1

The time is 09:50 in the morning, and I am writing to you from Fuel Cafe in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. At first, I thought it would be a waste of my time to write a blog post, but I changed my mind.

At first, I was going to produce an email titled “Tourism Doesn’t Start in Hotels. Tourism Starts in Hostels,” and then send it out to, well, a lot of fucking people. Getting on the news is an absolute must for me [and the Cream City Hostel] right now. I already sent that email to TJM4 about my recovery program, but taking to the airwaves with promotion of this hostel is much more practical.

My espresso is surprisingly good, but clearly no one orders it, because he served it to me in a coffee mug. Which is all good, but the thing did cool off pretty fast being in an improper container.

Inbetween my ordering and my starting this article, I went to the bathroom and removed some of the layers of my clothes. I always overdress. When it comes to cold weather, do as I say+not as I do, and under dress for the walk if it’s as short as the one I just made.

In front of me is, of course, the dbl espresso I spoke of before, and then I have a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. It was only $3.50, and it’s pretty lit. Some of the people here are drinking coffee, and some of them are drinking beer. I do love Milwaukee for that. I mean, no joke, I am telling you: there are some locals in here, with laptops open, working vigilantly, and they have a beer sitting in front of them. The time is 09:58 in the morning on Friday, February 28th, 2020. Tomorrow is the leap day. I say “the” and not “a” because they don’t happen very often, and although I often bare on the edge of safety, I like to think the significance of a leap day deserves a singular title.

What needs to happen is this: money needs to be funneled into this hostel, and then the tax money generated from the resulted tourism needs to be applied to the supporting the tourists. Now, if you ask me, our best chance of tourism is promoting to the People of Earth: “Come to Milwaukee!”

I say that in the most generous sense of the sentence. If you want to travel to Milwaukee, we would love to have you here no matter where you are from, but all my Earth friends would really like it here. The Plutonians on the other hand, they prefer touring Utqiagvik, Alaska.

What can I tell you? I smoke, and I know things

The tourism that will be happening here in Riverwest is gritty

I just had to switch sides of the table

Because I was hot as fuck sitting in the sun over there

I could have showed up here wearing much less. I forgot how poorly I am able to deal with cold weather! I always overdress. Always. Always. Always have I overdressed, and honestly I don’t see how I will ever change! I am sitting by the door so the cold air coming and going is regulating things a little for me. Anyway, back to zee Germans.

The tourist that enjoys Milwaukee, is the curious tourist. This is only speaking on an international sense.

The first time I left the United States, I flew directly to India, because I have a curiosity that can only be quenched with mental anguish. When I tell other people about my journey, I tell them: “India was hard, but I loved it, and I cannot wait to go back! However, for most people, I recommend starting in Thailand.”

If that statement makes you want to visit India, then you might enjoy Milwaukee.

If that statement makes you want to visit China, then you probably won’t enjoy Milwaukee.

If the statement makes you want to visit Thailand, then you should plan your trip revolving around Chicago, but I highly suggest you make a day trip to Milwaukee, because it’s a lot easier than going from Chiang Mai to Kolkata.

Unlike South East Aisa, or most places for that matter, The United States is, well, united. If you are in Chicago you do not need any special paperwork to come see Milwaukee. If you are in Thailand, you do need special paperwork to visit both India and China; even Laos or Cambodia for that matter.

When you are in Chicago and want to come to Milwaukee, a different state with a different culture and set of values, you just do it!

You could walk from Chiraq to Killwaukee if you damn well pleased.

This espresso is making me sweat hella bad, but I knew that would be the case before I ordered it. They have a very light roast here, and honestly I like the taste of a light roast better, but I usually order a dark roast because my body handles it better. The air is filled with the sounds of old country music. I heard Johnny Cash before;%&would you look at that! I tried to Shazam it but [I’m guessing] the sound of my typing was too loud; I had to look up the lyrics. Only moments before all this, the air was filled with Willie Nelson, singing Blackjack Country Chain. Very nifty vibes here. But damn this espresso is fucking me up lol. Yall would love it!

Soon, I will be again: stoned. Idk where the plug is at, but, I have a strong feeling we will meet up. What will that bring to me? See, one thing you can know forsure; no! Two things you can know forsure: drinking a beer at 09:00 any day of the week is acceptable in Milwaukee, and I wouldn’t be found anywhere that smoking cannabis wasn’t common af. So, in coming here, know that you also can enjoy the simple pleasures. The coffee is pretty good too. I suppose I will have to visit a couple of the other spots and make some comparisons, but this is the closest place to Cream City Hostel, so if you end up there I find it likely you will end up here.

What is my move? I am wet lol. The cold air will make me frigid. It has been decided that I will talk to _______ about my idea of “Tourism Doesn’t Start in Hotels. Tourism Starts in Hostels” before I proceed with sending out any emails, or contacting any new stations. Not only do I want to avoid misplacing her blessings in me, but also I think her input [and thusly her teams input], will be invaluable to our collective mission of bringing tourism to Milwaukee. Most people in America, and subsequently Wisconsin, don’t know what a hostel is, and this means we need to increase tourism two-fold. Not only do we need to get the Europeans to show up, but we also need to educate the young people of America about Hosteling!

This sweating situation if getting a little crazy. I wouldn’t be surprised it my back looks hella wet right now lol, but, I am not here to stay dry.

I am here to work for the hostel.

Honestly, until my arrival, I thought I was only here to visit Milwaukee, but now it is clear, I am working with the hostel! Cream City Hostel is legitimately one of the best vibes I have experienced at a hostel. I lived in Milwaukee in 2012, and back then this building was a non-operational school [apparently the district was using it for storage]. It might have been a preschool… I remember seeing young kids playing in the back all the time…unless I am misremembering; the people affiliated with this building tell me I am misremembering.

The playground is still here! At some point in time [even if I am misremembering], a group of fun-loving kids left behind some residual vibes. Those vibes help make Cream City Hostel what it is, and it’s seriously worth checking out.

pause to take it all in

My understanding of cities has changed so much since I left this place [my home]!

My nerves haven’t changed though lol. I don’t think I am going to leave the neighborhood much, and I’ll probably leave the city even less. Right now I am going to take my sweaty ass on a walk!; throw on the headphones, and just soak in the mke vibes for a second. Apparently I am going to be restless until I scoop up the dodie.

Ahh! Back to normal.

x. Spark Twain

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo! After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers the option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Why can’t I figure out how to make money so I can pay rent?

Life is anything but easy right now. I’m in Wisconsin, but I desperately don’t want to be. Until further notice I can only seem to attribute my actions to one goal: return to San Francisco.

I feel like I’m going a little crazy here, actually. Back at my mothers house…I haven’t lived with my mother since I was 17, and even then I never really spent much time in the house. In the morning we would leave fairly quickly to go to school, which was 20 miles away in a different town, and then after school I would go to my grandparents for a couple of hours, which was really an enjoyable experience; good vibes at my grandparents house. Finally, at the “end of the day” my mother would pick me up and we would go home. Home was the worst. Home still is the worst. Deep down I am very scared that nothing is going to work out, and I am going to end up miserable forever. But at the same time, that seems unlikely because I have come a long way, and there have been times in recent history I have been quite happy.

Idk.

I just don’t know what to do.

I know that I should be taking this time to write a book, that way, once quarantine is over, I have something to go around and talk about; something to sell.

That’s it. That’s the fucking method and I know it is.

Will I succeed? I’m not sure. I can’t tell if I should leave Wisconsin or not. I really hate it here. If I could use a stronger word than hate, I would. I’m not sure what the meaning of life is anymore. And my back hurts more and more every day.

Spark Twain

UPDATE! I almost figured out how to pay the rent!

* * *

You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo! After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!