HelloGoodbye

Yesterday I met a woman I thought might really be my equal, and that I might really be able to fall in love with.

 

That same thing happened to me Thursday.

 

Ow.

 

In my head I am brutal on myself about opening a business, which is probably why it hasn’t gotten done. Times like these! make me feel strongly that it will be forever impossible to move forward until meet someone…because meeting someone is the only thing I am able to think about, so often. and! I just got out of two back to back relationships, both of which I ended. Alas, the heart wants what the heart wants. My heart wants you. I hope it gets what it wants.

 

The time is 07:05 and I am at a Starbucks. Vibes are weak af here. Hella drifters chillin in the back, all producing different sounds from their phones. Plus there is the regular music. Right now it’s Kendrick. and calling these cats drifters is being polite. I could put on my headphones and just vibe out or whatever, because I have the noise canceling ones. Not really though, because there is too much on my mind.

 

One thing I have realized, is that these noise canceling headphones are going to be wayyyy too hot here in the summer.

 

This blog has been fun…but I don’t think I can’t just write whatever I want anymore. Too many facets; too many cogs. Does this mean it’s time for a book? Ha! I fuckling hope so. To think I actually thought I was going to write a book when I went to India…rookie mistake, to the fullest.

 

It’s times like these…

 

Soon I will be at my father’s house in Florida. My plan was to chill there and set up my business…but that won’t be a doable feat, I can already tell. His house will however be a good place to decompress, and reconsolidate. I wrote that same sentence yesterday, but I never posted it. I have written a lot I haven’t posted. It’s kind of crazy how that stacks up.

 

It’s times like these I am inconsolable. I don’t want to be at this Starbucks writing this blog…I want to be in bed lol. But…not at the hostel. And never again alone. I have been waking up early and going to coffee shops for a long time, but certainly I can see now that should only be a part time gig.

 

Ha. Sometimes I break off into these wicked day dreams. Some about murder, and some about sex. I like the ones about sex better. They never overlap. Ew. I like my coffee how I like my metal, and I like my love how I like my San Francisco.

 

Peaceful.

 

I used to write more about the things that go on in my head. Want to hear something I’ve never told anyone? When I used to go into this doughnut shop, I had a crush on the girl that made the doughnuts. One time, I wrote “I wonder if she like’s to be chokefucked,” and then I realized that I couldn’t possibly put that on my website, because it would fuck up my relationship with the donutshop. Somehow that sentence turned into 180 pages of writing I didn’t post, because it was a lot of my writing about my fantasites with girls, but I had a girlfriend at the time, so I never posted any of it.

 

How fucked up is that? That answer is that I needed to break up with that girl, and get someone that satisfies my life. It took me a long time to do that.

 

Things are different now. I’m pretty standoffish, and I constantly fear failure. To just have given my heart to two women in a row…what if I’ve only got three times!? Then I have to wait 10 years or something crazy…does the game work like that? Sometimes I think I got a bum controller, because this Game of Life feels like it should be easier to play.

 

The coffee shop I intend to go to doesn’t open for 38 more minutes. What should I do?!? I guess I am kind of stuck in regards to business. The business models I have created rely on me to produce a lot of written content, and I haven’t been doing that. I believe it to be more of a holistic process.

 

Two weeks ago the plan was to fly to Bali and start podcasting while I traveled Asia. One week ago the plan was to go home for three months and then come back to Vegas, get a job, and stay for a while. The plan needs to just be “do something that makes me happy.”

 

I also don’t think going to Oaxaca, meeting the Shamen, and consuming ayahuasca is the answer. Although that offer go throw on the table recently.

 

Spark Twain

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After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

MBSB 17

The time is 04:50 and I am writing to you from MBSB. Really, I don’t need to be here, with my keyboard out, writing,but I am. I only got here like 10 or 12 minutes ago. Doppio espresso and a Spindrift sparkling water. I was debating about getting the water, cuz im broke af, but then it was the last grapefruit and I succumbed. 

 

The time is 04:52. My soul implodes with excitement. He will run a podcast!/ wait, fourteen podcasts! and write a movie! and write 42 blogs in a cycling 31 day period!

 

There is no way I am getting all of it done. Two things I need to do. 

  1. Make some decisions
  2. Read more

I don’t need to over complicate anything! Those are two things I need to do. 

 

You know, I liked the espresso here at Starbucks more in April than I do today. idk. I am so used to the Reserve espresso. It’s hella good. Last night I really got to talking to two of the barista’s at one of my favorite Starbucks. 

 

Omg I just laid down such a wicked fart. When’s the last time you had a shart? What if I told you: every fart’s a shart. Doesn’t that feel like it’s probably true though? How clean is your asshole? You know I like a clean asshole…

 

Speaking of clean assholes, I want to take a trip to Germany…after I co-write my first movie, and get my other 11 of my projects off the ground. I intend to do some traveling. First to Germany, quick, to find out if German women really have it all, and then jet over to Vietnam, and work backwards. Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Philippines, Thailand, Myanmar, India, Nepal, India, India, India, Goa, Pakistan, and then I’m not sure. Maybe go north into Russia? That’s all a dream. But so is everything else I talk about! lol. Have a good Wednesday, January 8th, 2020! PEACE OUT from MBSB.

.

 

And then when I got to work it was not a normal day, so I had time to edit this.

Spark Twain

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

MBSB 16

My paranoia is getting the best of me. Or it isn’t. That’s the thing about having the knowledge that you’re a paranoid person…it is only sometimes true by nature. 

 

That is of no matter. What matters is this:

 

I am writing to you from Ravii, and I am having a bad day. It feels like every Sunday has been bad. Maybe it’s cuz I spend all Saturday carrying my backpack around? usually? and my shoulder is all fucked up so obviously that is not the move. 

 

Recently I have added so much to my schedule, it is undoubtable that I will fail. I have come to this realization today. Today I was so fucking beat I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything productive. I called my father, and my grandfather. I do enjoy talking to them, but it was played out today. I need new friends. 

 

I killed the vibe at one of my favorite Starbucks, and so I am going to minimize my time there. Maybe stop going all together. My blog has been getting a little crazY recently. I gotta get my mind right, and my head straight. 

 

This Dal Makhani smells like tomatoes, is that normal? I’ve had it here before and thought it was good, but I also read a review on the Google Maps page of someone who ordered tikka, or something, and claims they brought out tomato sauce. Is that what I have here? Lets dig in. 18:40 on January 5th, 2020. From Ravii. [5/10 I’d say, as I edit this]

 

*    *    *

 

The time is 04:01 and I’m at MBSB. It is easier to move mountains and rivers than change the ways of a human. Just your reminder on a Monday. In a world where everybody is focused on being overly positive, I’m bringing you that slice of reality on this Monday morning. 

 

Acai pudding and espresso. Breakfast of champion bloggers! Is there a blogging championship? 2020 is my year to get more involved in the blogging/writing community. I still haven’t even fucking read On The Road. I am behind as behind can be. I wonder how much time Kerouac spent at Montgomery Block? 

 

When I first arrived in The City I lived on Bartol street, and when I first heard about Kerouac [and all them. Ginsberg was the only one of the Beats I had heard of before my arrival to North Beach], I pictured him hanging out in Bartol alley. Now that I am sitting here writing about it, I still think that lol. Idk if he ever hungout in the alley by City Lights Books; City Lights used to be up the street at Grant and Filbert. I do laundry up that way, and I was outside the laundromat, up the road a little, smoking a bowl, when I discovered a plaque on the ground dedicating that spot as a landmark because it was the original spot of City Lights. Most of the time when I do laundry now, I go smoke a bowl standing on that plaque. If not there, then I go north on Grant a little more until I get to this short alley with steps. The position of the steps creates two crevasses, much large enough for a person, with walls on three sides, great for sleeping [Presidio. Don’t even come at me like that]. The first time I found it, I was like “Oh, so Ferlenghetti set up his book shop down the road from the place his friends were sleeping outside lol.” I have no idea if that is true. I bet Mark knows. I should ask him.

 

Where was I going? Oh yeah! So, I still think The Beats probably hung out in Bartol, because! Allen Ginsberg lived there. After living at that location for more than six months, I learned that Allen used to live in the large blue building across the alley, which is actually 1010 Montgomery [just up the street, this is all very close to both MBSB, and my house], but still the building has an entrance on my side [I had to go to the library to find this information out, although I bet if I went to the Beat Museum a second time I would find it in there]. Casey got to know the guy who lives in the green building, two north, and in fact, that man gave Casey an opportunity to rent his flat, but Casey fucked it up. Damn. Too bad I couldn’t intercept that. That blue building at 1010 Mongomery is where Allen wrote Howl. I haven’t read Howl either! I need to get on my shit! The rickiety building across the alley and behind the playground is where I wrote The Manifestation of Dreams. Not a comparable piece of literature, I am sure, but it’s still a true statement.

 

I need to step my poetry game UP!

 

You know what I’ve been thinking about a lot? Doing some poetry reading on YouTube. I got the idea from this girl Savannah Brown. I am to think she got popular doing poetry reading on YouTube? Hmm. Being that I have no friends, and no business partners, and my life is a clean slate with which I can do what I wish, I might left turn onto some crazy path and slam poetry into a tree, over and over again until it doesn’t look the same as when I started slammin’. Even if I take that left turn: What I am going to do is build a stream of income I can maintain from a computer and go back to Asia. I’ve been known that. Im sure I’ll put in all in the monthly email, but not this next one. I need to make a way for yall to sign up from here. Okay…I think I’mma step outside quick. Come back in…edit. Post…word word. 

 

…and that’s exactly how it went down. January 6th, 04:56 in the morning, Montgomery Block Starbucks. Twenty-Twenty vision ts.

 

Spark Twain

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

MBSB 15

The time is 04:43 in the morning, and this is one for the blog only, as it will not be saved anywhere else. Foolish? Yes. Unaware? Not at all. I am going to keep it short today.

The best part about the new year is that I have been on schedule the whole time. Day three, and I have acomplished all my goals! One of the most frightening hurdles will be overcome at 14:30 today, and that hurdle, is going to the gym.

I signed up for a more expencive gym, and I feel pretty good about it. The amenities are plentiful, and it’s not a contract or anything so if I don’t think it is for me, in a couple of months, I will cancel my membership. Until that time I am going to run hella, and meet people hella.

Oh shit! You know what though? I was in the middle of working on my new project when I decided to just post a quick one. Now I gotta get back to my project. Yall gotta wait to hear about this one! Maybe I send it out in the email on the 8th. Make sure you sign up by going to my Instagram, adding me [as of yesterday my profile is private], and sending me a message with your email.

Spark Twain

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Hyde and Bitch

The time is 15:55 at Starbucks on Hyde and Beach, and it’s busy as a beach in summer over here, even though it’s the first of the year. 

 

I have been here for some hours now, and I wrote quite a lot, but as I started to edit [something else, still] I got quite tired. It’s definitely because I ate two cranberry bliss bars. My weakness for sugar got the best of me! I feel sugar hurts my fucking joints, no joke! Can it do that?

 

2020 = less sugar. But it didn’t start today. No matter what though I need to bring a Spark Twain blog post to light, because it is on the schedule. So I am going to post this before I leave. Then? Probably go home. I was thinking about getting a coffee or something…but no. I’m doomed for the day. I am dyyyyying for a good girl to chill with so I’m not alwayss thinking I need to work. Becuase I can take time off. I just don’t have anything to occupy my time otherwise!

 

Today I will go home and lay around and surf on ig until I fall asleep early, probably. Work tomorrow. Then hoping to talk to that girl. Pray for me.

 

Spark Twain.

* * *

You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!