Philosophy of Addiction Recovery 1

In an effort to help people overcome addiction, I have been putting my full thought into how the industry of addiction recovery exists currently.

The methods I used to overcome alcoholism are aggressive, but only in the sense that they are unusual. For some individuals I recommend they overhaul every aspect of their life in order to propel change. This is an overstatement, but it’s better to overstate than understate when it comes to addiction.

There is so much stuff to do in this life! Think about all the daydreams you have about all the places you want to go. If you are a user of drugs or alcohol, I ask: do those daydreams coincide with using of said drugs or alcohol? If the answer is yes, I want you to expand your vision. There are different kinds of addictions that exist in this world, and some swallow you whole more than others. Many people might admit to having a coffee addiction, and that level of admittance is a variable by which we can measure how negatively impactful a substance is upon humanity.
How many people admit to using heroin?
How many people admit to eating mushrooms?

Heroin might someday be decriminalized, but it will never be condoned.

Psychedelic mushrooms on the other hand have recently become decriminalized in three U.S. Cities: Denver, CO, as well as Santa Cruz and Oakland, CA. This is a powerful statement from the people of America: “We understand this substance to be of no danger to society.”

We all know how the story of cannabis legalization goes. We are living it!

Me? I ate mushrooms prior to becoming an alcoholic, and perhaps the spiritual awakening I received from my 2 or 3 times eating psychedelic mushrooms played a factor in how I went about overcoming my addictions.

I want to tell you exactly how I did it; I want to tell you exactly how I overcame alcoholism. BUT! The story is – the story’s not over! Do I think I will ever go back to drinking alcohol? Not in a million years! I honestly believe that when it comes to alcohol addiction I have my sobriety down-pat. I specify alcohol addiction because I know I will never rid myself addiction fully, but for the benefit of my happiness I shed what commiserates me. I am a human not to be commiserated! This is the attitude I wield everyday, and with great effort! Who would I be to do what makes me unhappy?

When I was younger, all I knew was working at restaurants, and the amount of money I received seemed not worth my time [until I got to San Francisco]. What did I do instead of looking for something better? I drank alcohol! From 21 years old to 24 years old, I drank alcohol because it made me happy. It made me fucking happy! What more can I say? People would ask me if I was depressed, and I would get frustrated, because I didn’t feel depressed, necessarily, but! I did feel like I was falling behind in life. Down the road, lemme tell you: that feeling of falling behind in life? It leaves an unforgivable aftertaste.

So I was drinking, right? And I was drinking because it made life habitable. When I was drunk, work was not so miserable, and that was a fact I lived with everyday. I now know it was my misguided ambitions that put me on that road to failure. To tell you exactly why I became an addict is to tell you why I like the color purple. For some things, there is no why, only when.

This “when” is monumentally important. The last thing I want to turn into is some dude that goes around to highschool’s and gives speeches on alcoholism and addiction, but damn if I don’t think that recognizing the signs of addiction, and trusting mine [and everyones!], advice to avoid addiction is better then dealing with the problem after the fact.

Nothing is enjoyable without using drugs Twain, what do I do?”

The answer is simple as it is disappointing: Change Everything.

Change your hair from brown to blue if you think it will make you happy. Ahh! But remember, you must juggle the triage of life as you proceed. This means that if you can’t have blue hair at work, and you also can’t afford to ditch your job, you can not turn your hair from brown to blue.

Okay then…”

Blue hair wasn’t the move anyway. Unless it is! Then it’s the fucking move! But what about…uhh, what about learning something new? Is that a thing you’re interested in? Because I’ll tell you: allowing yourself to learn a new skill and gain new knowledge whilst simultaneously fighting addiction, can create a viciously powerful cycling effect that the enlightened call: Holding Yourself to a High Standard.

Holding Yourself to a High Standard is the type of thing that those individuals you look up to do, and it’s how they achieve their massive gains. Be it mentally, socially, economically, or physically, gains are achieved through hard work and consistency. Many people buy a gym membership lowkey using the membership [and it’s cost] as a catalyst to start working out. Mhm, does it work for everyone? But it does work for some people, right? Well, I believe it only works for those that make changes in other aspects of their life in tandem. Going to the gym is nothing without first abolishing fast food from your life, or actually spending the hard-time thinking about what makes you happy. Will going to the gym make you happy? If so, you might be ready to commit to a membership! Albeit, there are also individuals who might test themselves by excising in a park for a period of time to test the waters about their commitment; I think such is a healthy practice.

For those who desire to overcome addiction, I think enrolling at University is the most extreme catalyst one could thrust themselves into. That, or the military.

x. Spark Twain

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Cream City Hostel 25

The time is 06:26 on March 3rd, 2020, and I am listening to the Business Casual episode with Mark Cuban. He is going to end up being president, and he will have my vote. Very uplifting to listen to this guy this morning. I have been starting my day with Kinsey Grant nearly everyday recently, and it’s been going pretty well. True however, that I need to move some different podcasts into my regiment.

He is, of course, talking about being an entrepreneur, and it’s getting me pumped! [It’s a little hard to write over this talking lol] Yesterday I did a little more work on ASMR.Community, and I am just…I am just feeling oh so hopeful about that venture. My biggest problem, I have long thought, is lack of guidance. What I am going to do today is find an ASMR artist to contribute written material, and hopefully I will even end up with multiple artists contributing. I wish I had a larger platform for them to exercise their opinions on, but we will get there! I need to know that, and when I write emails to these artists [or just hit them up in ig] I need to ooze confidence in my success on the idea. I’m not only talking myself up on this, but I am also talking to you directly, and I am telling you directly that at 27 years, I have realized: overthinking is the enemy.

Often times I will enter unto an ongoing situation, and I will be drawn to opinions and judgments immediately. However! I will not take these sensory observations as fact from the cusp, and instead I will think “no no no. This is their situation. They must know better than I.” Time and time again, it is proven that my simple observations were correct from the git. To that? I think gtfo 😎.

The time is 06:40, and I brought my computer downstairs this morning so I could sit and wait for the french press. Usually I let that thing steep for like an hour, but yesterday I realized that’s why my coffee is always so strong. Today will be a shorter brew time. How long has it been? I started it just before I sat down to start writing. Okay…like 15 minutes lol. Way to long!

Mark Cuban says we need to start learning AI because it’s going to have a bigger impact on business than the internet or mobile computing.

“If you want to get an edge, learn A.I. Teach yourself how to do a little three layer Java script neural network, it’s not that hard.” – mcuban

You heard that right! You know, my grandmother was very connected with pop culture, and she watched Shark Tank a lot, and she thought very highly of Mark Cuban.

This morning, I was thinking the thought: “Who do I write for,” and I realized quickly that the answer is: stoners. I am pretty sure that people who smoke weed would be the first people interested in the knowledge I have. When I go on ig, I see these bodybuilders posting photos with captions like: “this morning’s aftermath,” and it’s a picture of all their sweat on the ground. Me? I wake up, play on my phone a little, and then smoke a joint. For months I have been working to build a running habit, but still, I only run on occasion. Am I proud of my life? The short answer is fuck yes. The long answer has to do with alcoholism, love, travel, and belief. And no, I do not believe in god.

Google pushed an article to me this morning about how Elon Musk has the superpower of being indestractive. Apparently he plans out every minute of his day, and he sticks to it. In my head, I have long longed for living a life so stark and powerful. The truth, and the reality I paint with it, are pretty far from the rigidity of Elon’s life. Comparative to many of the people I meet, I wake up much earlier, and for this reason I sometimes feel I have an advantage. An old dude once told me that “it’s only going to get earlier,” which I think means that in 20-30 years I’ll be waking up at 3am lol. bow hao!

The time is 07:05, and my coffee is weak af this morning. It’s my fault! I forgot I only put in half the amount of grounds…and the water! I remembered only at ⅔ full today’s difference. Tbh it’s surprising I remembered at all lol. I roasted a phatty this morning, and you know what? I am already thinking of roasting another one. I am wondering how good this weed is that I have, and damn…I have a fuck load of it lol. I am going to keep blowing it down, no doubt, but I’ve prolly blown like 4 or 5 grams already. I haven’t even smoked a bowl, I’ve only smoked joints! I’m doing this new thing, which is something I might have tried before…I can’t actually imagine if I had kept it up from 2011 or whatever, but this is what I am doing: I am putting my last roach, into my new joint, and I am going to do this over and over again, and it’s like…the smoke gets older, you know? Some of the resin from that first joint is still there, somewhere. As long as you don’t smoke it 100% of the way down; even a dollop’ll do ya! I’m like 10+ joints into this venture. I’m not counting or whatever, but if it gets to be 100 deep, I am sure I will sense that vibe. If I was still doing this at 65 I’d be like 10k joints deep! See, once I buy my own house though, then I will be able to start adventures like that with certainty, because as long as one keeps making payments on their house, they will have long term stability. The time is 07:11, and I am wondering wtf to do, which is all wrong, because the answer is: work on some ASMR stuff, ya dig?

Spark Twain

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Kava Bar Ft Myers 2

The time is 16:46 on February 20th, 2020, and I am writing to you from Kava Culture Kava Bar in downtown Fort Myers. Why am I here? Because the atmosphere is good. What is Kava? You will have to check out my new podcast to find that out. It is a question I plan to answer on there very soon.

So much writing I do, and so little do I publish. This is the third blog post I’ve written today. One of them is live at asmr.community. The other…I suppose I should be editing it, instead of writing this [I did!]. Perhaps I will actually put something on my blog today! It could be one of those days.

Am I excited for my time in Milwaukee? Holy shit; for the first time ever I actually have work to do. I mean seriously. I’ve got a tonne of shit to do! I’ve accepted the responsibility of building a website for someone. On top of that, it seems like I am going to be doing some videography work for the Cream City Hostel. Do they know I am not a professional? Haha. If they want authentic, I’m that, Baby! In fact, I wanted to shoot a 3D video today, strictly for the purpose of seeing if I could edit it. I mean seriously, can this machine handle it?

Hmm, did I download the required software for such a thing? Hell no. Totally forgot lol. Well! I suppose ain’t nothing happening in regards to that then! Reaper is the only program I have that is remotely close to a video editor, and I only say that because my father told me it will do minimal video editing; mostly just if you want to add music to a video, I guess. Eventually I will need to start producing my own music for these podcast/videos/everything I am creating. More over, actually, I just want to create my own music.

This morning I was thinking about those days at the Green Tortoise, Sundays specifically, when I would catch the 04:20 bus and go clean the ballroom. LP’s method pretty much always had me finishing early, because she would take a breakfast, and since I wouldn’t eat until after I finished the shift, I always played a little guitar at the end. One time a [cute] girl told me she felt bad talking over my guitar playing, and I told her that I was being paid to be there so she shouldn’t feel bad. Mmm; those were the days. You know what I want to be doing instead of writing this blog? Playing guitar. When I was at Sin City Hostel they had a guitar there and I definitely took advantage of that thing. They have offered me a job…but I can’t say if I will be accepting it or not. Las Vegas…who am I? And what am I doing with my life? What do I want to want? That is the only, and thusly the most important question. In fact, I have read it is the most important question we can ask ourselves as a humanity.

What do we want to want?

Spark Twain

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Java House

The time is 10:15, and I am writing to you from Java House, located at 1617 Hendry Street in downtown Fort Myers. I was in this place a couple of days ago, and I took some 360 photographs, and left. Now? I feel rude about not asking to take the photographs prior to taking them, because the gentleman I saw working the counter actually owns the place! In a minute or two here, I am going to go talk to the gentleman [him and his wife own & operate the place; 5 years in business, he told me] about that situation. Coming from San Francisco…we don’t ask permission to take photographs; we just do it. Here though…well, first things first, I am starting to like this place a little more. Fort Myers that is. It’s got decent coffee and beautiful women, what more could I ask for?

Just talked to Mike, the gentleman running the shop, and although he is a soft spoken man, he is a man of truthful words, I can tell. What does this mean you for you? My readers? It means there are two good places to get an espresso drink in Downtown Ft Myers. They even have Sara Bareilles filling the air! [sidenote: when I looked up the correct spelling of her name, the ‘Google quick caption’ as I will call it, summarized her with the words ‘American Actress.’ The times! They are-a-changing!] I can’t believe I thought this place had bad vibes when I first came in…that man can definitely handle his espresso machine. Did I post that piece of writing? I mean, I wrote it, so I will eventually have to post it…but today, and with this piece of writing, I set the record straight! Java House is the shiznit. If you’re in SW Florida, you gotta stop in this place, and you gotta say hello to the owners.

On the topic of small business; I have said it before and I will say it again: RIGHT NOW IS ONE OF THE BEST TIMES IN HISTORY TO BUY A SMALL BUSINESS! What do you like to do? What are you good at? I am willing to bet there is a baby boomer selling a business which is right. up. your. alley. Me? Well, my alley is @jack.kerouac.alley.

I am a little worried…because this Cubano Coffee that I ordered, is, well, full of sugar. I love sugar! But as of late, I really have limited my consumption to almost none. Today? I have a Cubano and a scone in front of me. The scone is dense, and we all know I like a high density scone. This one has a lot of sugar, and, like most scones, it probably also has a lot of butter. Well, anyway, I’ve been starting everyday with a smoothie as of late, and so I feel pretty good about that. [news flash! That’s sugar. So I guess I was speaking of added sugars]

The time is 10:42, and I just sent messages on IG to three big names in my industries. Firstly, I am very proud to say that Kiki Hermetic Kitten is following me on Instagram! Omg that is so cool. She has a grand following, and I strongly believe in her as an asmrtist. I personally used some of her videos; over and over and over again I watched the same few, to help me over come my alcoholism…that was long ago. See, once I established ASMR as my main tool in recovery, I didn’t need to use it everyday. Just as one could not possibly spend every waking moment at Alcoholics Anonymous, one can not spend every moment watching ASMR. However, at the beginning of recovery, one might actually do that. Be it going from meeting to meeting all day [or at least one in the morning, and one at night, seven days a week], or sitting all day long watching the ASMR videos I suggest at asmr.community, complete submersion in a recovery process, at the beginning, is a very viable option. Eventually however, one will need to go back to their everyday life. When that impulse to consume becomes overwhelming however? Then we go back to the tools we learned in the beginning. For me? I watch ASMR.

Spark Twain

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After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

MBSB 9

The time is 04:47 and I am writing to you from MBSB. The day is December 2nd, 2019.

 

Time is of the essence today, and not only because I need to return some nikes after work.

 

Yesterday I wrote six articles about asmr. That’s a lot! At least compared to my average work capacity. I spent ten hours at Starbucks on Beach and Hyde to complete this task, and I feel great about it. Still! Work has only begun!

 

Ten hour Starbucks day’s will become an every weekend thing, because the expectation is this:

asmr.community will be posting a new article everyday. 

 

Since it’s just me as sole proprietor of that enterprise…I have a lot of writing to do. 

 

Good thing I’ve been hella practicing!

 

Spark Twain

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

MBSB 8 [Thanksgiving deux+ Black Friday]

Thanksgiving 2019 Two

 

I am writing to you from Happy Donuts in Chinatown. Behind me are two men playing chess. Always it has been, that I cited this place as “in North Beach,” but I am changing my view of that. I consider North Beach to be north of Broadway Street…plus the north side of Columbus down to the Kearney/Pacific/Columbus intersection. What this means is, Happy Donuts isn’t in North Beach. Okay…so I have been making that mistake for a long time, lol. Even after I realized my folly, I had to decide if this was Jackson Square or Chinatown. It’s Chinatown. I can see two coffee shops in my field of vision: The Station, and Revolute. I have only been to the former of those, and even then only because the hostel paid for it. This place that I am inside of, is different than those two places. Happy Donuts is open, for starters.

 

Happy Thanksgiving AFTER DARK. [I’m editing this the next day. Still dark]

 

Seriously, it is dark in San Francisco. I love this city. I do not love where I live. Today was tumultus. I got in a fight with my roommate. It wasn’t actually a fight, it was more just me yelling at him for a bit because he was drinking. Things are so much different than they were last year. What about the year before that? I have known this motherfucker for two years now, and here we are, Thanksgiving 2019 and I literally had to part ways with him shortly after we met up, because I knew it was destined that he would get too drunk for my liking. It sucks, and lately it’s been everyday. What am I to do? I like my rent situation, but only because I don’t make enough money to move past this situation. The obvious solution is for me to move out [and remain friends with my roommate]. Therein lies the problem of which I don’t catcha-da-guap to catcha-da-spot. Catcha-da-drift, Aye?

 

About 15:45 I got home and my guy was laid in the hay. Soon as I zipped in, my phone died. What was I to do? I plugged it in, but I didn’t turn it on right away. I thought about it though. I waited till 5%. There I lay until it occured to me that I desired ASMR, and so I tuned into Raffy Taffy via Spotify. A little bird told me to do it…!@# I listened Raffy do his thing for about thirty minutes, and then I decided to be a go-getter!; I rolled a joint and left the house.

 

When it comes to opening this business of mine, I am feeling…lost. BUT! Not for long. I have a meeting this week. This sit-down feels a little out of my comfort zone, but will potentially be one of my more progressive encounters. Yesterday I wrote about how I need to find more business-orientated people to surround myself with. Today I feel the same. So excited am I to attend events. Why am I sitting here writing this?! Oh…because I am disorganized. How do I overcome this hurdle? It is fully required that I sell some shirts. I need a computer. Which means I need to figure out when I get my credit card securities back…I will hold onto the money, but also I will get a bump in credit. Hopefully enough to get a dope computer! I did make the mistake of applying for, and getting accepted to, Dell financing, which I haven’t used. I actually haven’t even confirmed my account. I will just use my ole-fashioned credit card. Did I say that? Lol. I guess for the financing I have to get ahold of them and get them to resend the confirmation letter, because I had it sent to my work, but then the letter never arrived. I originally did the whole thing because I got excited about a computer Dell had on sale. I missed the sale, and figured I would use the financing in the future, but then I foolishly never figured it out. I leave so many things unfinished. It’s something I will cease as time moves forward, but it sure it a slow process. 

 

[close the acct. that’s the move]

 

How many times do I write the same thing over and over and over again before it fade from frame of my retention? Is this writing I do, ‘stream of consciousness’ writing? I really only heard about that style since I came to San Francisco. The answer is that I need to read more, and I can make that determination for myself. 

 

The time is now 19:12, and I am still at Happy Donuts. I bought coffee. Just a small coffee…and a glazed-fucking-twist; just took a bite of the same. The time is now 19:14. Some weird ole painish type thing just reared up in my right leg. Damn. I wonder if it’s cuz I’m eating all this sugar. You know, my Grandpa had to get his first bypass surgery in his…forties. Let’s say forties to keep him aged. I am worried it could be worse. In this moment I am thinking about calling him. I wish I could keep the screen up while I did such a thing, but my screen is my phone these days. I also want to chug around online a little and look at all the deal available. Sweatpants, two pairs of shoes, and headphones. I know what I need. Mmmkay, that being said, I think I am going to turn to the internet. Peace! For now.

 

*    *    *

 

05:40 the following day. MBSB. I got 125 bonus pts from Starbucks today because I completed my first ‘challenge.’ For this one I bought three required items, and they were items I buy on a usual basis anyway. I am thinking the rewards cycle, eventually coming to work in every flavor-niche’s favor. Today I went h.a.m. I bought 1 overnight oats, 1 green juice, and one Ethos water, 

 

Idk if I mentioned it yesterday, but I found out that Starbucks sells water bottled in Lafayette, Wisconsin. Woo! On Wisconsin! 

 

Today is the busiest shopping day of the year in America. I recently found out that China has something similar. This year it fell on Veterans day. I’m not sure if that will happen every year or not. 

 

Did you know that the day before Thanksgiving is the busiest bar day of the year? At least in Wisconsin. Let me check this out online and see if I can back it up. Oh yeah! If you just type “busiest bar night of the year” into Google, it says “Thanksgiving Eve.” My mom told me that tidbit of information growing up. I’ve known it for over 10 years.

 

A whole decade. I remember being 17…it doesn’t feel tooooo long ago. 

 

It was. 

 

What was I getting into at 17? Not…much. Was I all fucked up by that point? Holy shit my memory is bad. I remember that I drove to school my final year, and I believe I spent my last year of highschool living at my Grandparents part-time? Actually, I drove to school from Westbend pretty often. Parked next to my moms car overnight. I graduated highschool a semester early, so this would have been…my final semester. Right now I’d be on Thanksgiving break.

 

I didn’t get my license until I was 17. At this point my license has been suspended for…34 months. I have been left Wisconsin for 30 months.

 

Seventeen years old though…that was a long, long time ago. I was working at North Hills Country Club 10 years ago. Karleigh got me the job. That’s also where we both met Big Al. That job taught me a lot about life, and especially about what rich people live like. They’d be getting drunk in the front. and we’d be getting drunk in the back. Pretty sure that’s against policy now. I would eventually go on to fuck my co-workers over. We’re talking years after I was 17. I worked two Valentine’s days at that job. 2009, and 2014. Valentines day 2014 I got drunk, and convinced my co-worker to walk out with me at the end of the night. Pretty sure the chefs were there cleaning dishes until 2 in the morning. Chef Mike was a friend of mine, until I did that to him. Sad days. I still feel bad about that, of course. 

 

Some say I should have ‘gotten it over with’ at 17 and all incidents as such would have been avoided. 

 

Some say it’s never too late…

 

Joking about suicide was all fun until I got this mole-thing on my arm. I have since seen a doctor. I wrote about that, right?, but it progresses still, and it freaks me out still. I need to take another picture of my lil growth. Done! The doctor told me that I should take pictures, and so I am doing that [and writing about it!]. 

 

The time is now 06:48. At Starbucks I will remain for a while more. Then I will go shopping. I am thinking about all the different things I could buy today. I know four key items I need. I talked about them already. 

 

Right now…I am going to put the keyboard away and surf the internet for awhile before I head out of Starbucks. I was already doing a little of that, but then I decided to wrap this session up. Maybe I will even edit and post it? Seems like the move. 

 

Spark Twain

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Live on Broadway!

The time is 04:07 in the morning and I am writing to you from my apartment on Broadway. I really wish I had a better living space, and if I did I would write to you from it more often. This act is of out of necessity. I woke up at 03:47 today. I didn’t set my 3am alarm last night. I thought I might wake up at my usual time anyway, but I did not. Since it’s too late for mbsb [not worth carrying the weight for such a short session] but I am awake and I do want to get work done, I decided to just pull my computer out and get a small amount of work done, that way I am still consistently posting to my blog all week. My goal of not drinking any caffeine is also on track. That’s pretty much a wrap for me and caffeine, I honestly believe that. The quality of my mental health has improved so vastly this week while I have been decaffeinated, I can’t realistically see me switching back.

The time is now 04:20. The whole day is in front of me! I shall be giving my time to someone else today, in exchange for a fair wage. Fair considering my circumstances, that is.

Wow I hear my roommates in the kitchen! I was not expecting that this morning. It doesn’t really effect my bottom line though. Sometimes someone wakes up to cook, and sometimes there is no one. It’s hard for me to tell what is going to happen any given day of the week.

One thing is for certain: I need a new computer. It’s kind of a blessing that I woke up too late for mbsb this morning because carrying this laptop around is killing my back. Killing it. My shoulder is so fucked, which is just one of the reasons I am trying to expedite the acquisition of a higher income. Right now I am searching for someone to work on The Community with me, because I think it will improve my chances of success.

Holy shit whoever is in the kitchen is frying something. The other day oml I thought they were killing a chicken in there. Some sort of animal was making a weird ass sound for a long time. The long time part had me wondering what was going on, because killing a chicken happens quick. Have you ever done it? I have not, but I’ve met a lot of people who have over in Asia and stuff. I don’t recall that I have ever even seen anyone kill a chicken irl. Hmm. Not that I am craving that experience or anything, but sitting here I am kind of surprised I missed on out that during my trip. In Asia if you get invited over for dinner, you’re might going to have to kill something. I only know about the chicken.

My back hella hurts from sitting on this bed. The time is 04:34 and I am going to get gone and get to work. PeAcE for now.

Spark Twain

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!