A Clean Slate

I am melting. Like a fire hydrant on acid, in a rainstorm, with no coat. God damn bucking horse underneath it’s ass! Racing! We both racing! And it’s not to a finish line. The loser of this match…well they’re going to die. What do you know about loss? Ever lost your mind before?

I am writing to you from Happy Donuts in North Beach. I haven’t ordered anything yet, but here I sit. I bought an all day bus pass again today, and again I didn’t see a muni cop. That’s everyday. I have not had but one interaction with a muni cop since I got back, if I recall correct.

You know, I am supposed to be writing a post for one of my other blogs right now. I should probably get around to doing that.

I am going to open up a new document, get a coffee, probably a donut, and I am going to write an article about ASMR. The time is 19:04.

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The time is now 22:14, and I actually got quite a bit done tonight. Published my second asmr.community article, and I feel great about it! So check it out, and I’ll probably write some more in the morning. Peace from Happy Donuts in North Beach.

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This morning I got an advertisement for a service called Matcha, and what they do is help the internet become standardized. haahaha I’m kidding af. They are a new kind of content mill [is that insulting?], where you can, presumably, purchase content for your blog, social media, or email. This will, of course, save you time and money on all sorts of valuable assets, and in exchange you will only lose your originality. Granted…the idea has merit. If one used Matcha to fill in the gaps of their online presence, they might get away with it. In fact, I am thinking that might be the move for me. Write 60% of my own material, hire other content creators for 15%, and grab some material from Matcha for the last 15%. Wow. I think I might really be on to something here.

I suppose this is a hot topic of conversation for me because I officially have two blogs. Make sure to check out asmr.community and thestonedheretic.com when you have some free time. Both are extremely bare-bones right now, but there is content. I plan to publish another piece of content today, but what it will be I am unsure of yet. Perhaps I will only work on the back end of things. I have a longg way to go with that thing, and honestly, I feel like less is more at this stage in the game. That means I need to resist the urge to fuck around with the website, and I instead I need to just publish some more content.

Right now I am eating a bomb-ass breakfast sandwich from Happy Donuts. Who woulda thunk it! When I first came in I asked the lady, whom I didn’t know, if I could just “hang out” for 30 minutes without purchasing anything [I didn’t want to start my day with Happy Donuts], and I tried to tell her I was a regular here, but it took a while to convey that. In the end she let me stay, but it was a lot of yelling back and forth between me and the manager, because he can’t hear. Kind of a crazy way to start the day. So anyway, I eventually went on to order something because I was hungry.

When I stop working, even to take a bite of my food, I find myself thinking about that girl. It kind of sucks, actually. I want to focus on business and it’s very difficult. Anxiety has me worried, but my maturity has me relaxed. It might be, even, that I am turning my anxiety into forward motion. That’s kind of what it feels like. You know, we often talk about how love and passion come from within our heart…but it might be advisable in the age of science to ditch that in favor of a philosophy that instills knowledge about the brain.

The time is 06:20. Starbucks is definitely open. But soon, Trieste, also. I am not sure where to go. My spot in the Marina doesn’t pop the doors until 07:00. The sun is up, and the sky is a light shade of blueish gray. The city is getting colder, although yesterday was a warm day, and I suspect today will be the same. The time is 06:30. I am going to walk to Trieste and smoke a bowl on the way. Peace for now.

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The time is 09:07, only three-ish hours later, and I am writing to you from the Starbucks on Hyde and Beach. I really like how I inserted the break on this post. I will continue to do that. Three stars *** represents a long break between the combined writings, and two vertical bars | | represents a relatively small break, usually only a couple of hours or less. I have certainly not stuck to this format through my entire time writing, and thus the explanation I have provided is, by default, a bad one. Bare with me though, because things are really starting to grow. Starbucks is hella busy right now, and if I leave I will certainly lose my spot. Hmm. I don’t think that is going to stop me from going outside and smoking a bowl. I might not come back if I do that. Where would I go? I have my computer and I am trying really hard not to carry this thing all over creation because it is so heavy, and my back is in bad shape. Seriously lol.

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The time is 12:10 now, and I am at Caffe Trieste, sitting right behind the band, which means I am writing this to you from the back of the coffee house. I just took a photograph, which will be the header image for this article. It’s a pretty good photograph if I don’t say so myself. Hmm. I think I am throwing the vibes off typing…I will be back.

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Now the time is 13:59, and I am still at Trieste. I am however thinking about leaving. I put the computer away, an then I pulled it out again for a little bit while I surfed around the internet looking at stickers, but I have decided not to buy any stickers. Instead, I am thinking I will head back to the crib. But to what avail? When I am at my house I have little choice but to sit in my bed, and it is quite lame. Alas, that will still be my move. Perhaps I will edit this from there…or perhaps I will come back.

* * *

Do you think I wrote about the girl with the green eyes the first first time I met her? I would really like to think I did. I’m telling you guys she walked right up and said she hadn’t seen me in a while, and that is because she fucking remembers me from Mac’d. It is so embarrassing that I forgot her. My memory is truly shot. How can I not remember this most beautiful girl? But I am sure it is her.

She’s in my memory somewhere. Lotssss of smoking weed when I worked at mac’d. That was last year shit. I have no idea what I told her last year, but I am confident it is the same person. And that’s actually not the thickest part of the plot…idk if I am ready to talk about the rest yet; might just leave that to the way-side for now. The time is 17:40 and I am writing to you from Caffe Trieste.

Okay, let’s talk about funding for a second.

Have you ever received a loan for anything? I have never received a loan for diddly-fucking-squat. Actually let me rephrase that. I have received a lot of small loans from my family, and I have pretty much, universally, never paid any of them back. Now I live in San Francisco, the tech capital of the world, and I am going to try and get a loan. I have been dipping my feet in the water for far too long, BUT! my “secret weapon” in the field is my use of asmr as a recovery tool, my patience will prove to be a wise investment, I believe. Credibility is everything, and I definitely don’t want to misguide people. I am not perfect, but I don’t drink alcohol, and with a little vigilance I think I can retire early. Do you want the same? Definitely take seriously the phrase “rapid experimentation.” I didn’t start with asmr, I ended with it.

Mark just left the building. He is a helluva writer, I just know it. Even though I haven’t read any of his scribes. I should know that man better. You know, I actually don’t call him Mark to his face because I haven’t double checked that I am correct about his name, but obviously I am semi-confident in calling him Mark since I intend to publish this on my blog. He won’t read this. I am sure-sure he doesn’t read my blog. The girl with the dragon eyes won’t read it. Awh, there is a couple next to meet holding hands as they drink their coffee, and the impression is that they are in love. They aren’t going to read this. Still however, I write. @practicalpaige just messaged me. Remember when this blog used to really be a ramble? Holy shit. That’s what I should do. I should edit and post the lost articles of Bob’s Donuts. I bet Dragon Eyes is in there. Ugh. So much to do, so little time. Right now, I need to write an article for one of my other blogs. Stoned Heretic it will be, for tonight. I used to call it The Stoned Heretic, but my guy Ant from work thinks I should drop the “The,” and I was already dabbling with that idea, so I am going to drop the “the” on the website, but on ig…should it be stonedhereticglass? Is that better. What about stonedhereticgallery? Right now it’s thestonedheretic, and I could drop it to just stonedheretic. So many choices. What I do know is that I need to change my picture for the product I am selling, and I…holy shit, I could actually be receiving orders and not even know it. I am boned. Peace from Trieste! The time is currently 18:10.

Now the time is 19:27 and I am leaving to go get some food, and then meet Casey. Probably gonna be up hella late again. Eh. Oh well. I DO need to edit this writing before it runs away on me though! Hopefully tomorrow! See you then! Today was for thestonedheretic.com, and I got a little article published; mostly pictures.

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The time is 03:50 in the morning on November 6th, 2019, and I am writing to you from the Montgomery Block Starbucks, or MBS. Hmm SAFTAP was a nice phrase as well, but ever since I found out that the Transamerica Pyramid stands where a famous building called the Montgomery Block once stood, I have thought of this Starbucks differently. When I was young and I dabbled in writing, I didn’t actually know I would become this dedicated.

In the 1930’s there was seventy-five artists renting studio apartments in The Montgomery Block all at the same time. Robert Louis Stevenson, Emma Goldman, Jack London, George Sterling, Lola Montez. Lotta Crabtree, Gelett Burgess, Maynard Dixon, Frank Norris, Ambrose Bierce, Bret Harte, The guy who shot Lincoln, Frida Kahlo, and Mark Twain. Some of those people lived in the building, but they all hung out here.

I have more access to information then all of the people listed, and none of them will ever be able to learn from me, only I from them. Have you ever seen a broken cup reassemble itself and travel from the floor, back up to the table? Me either. Okay, but have you ever cut your foot on a cup that wasn’t broken, it just happened to be lying on the floor?

Spark Twain

* * *

You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Bob wore a Donut costume to the party, and no one was surprised

I am writing this to you from Bobs Donuts. I just yawned… probably I am reaching a lifetime donut limit in my mid-twenties, and I am not proud of this, but I am willing to share the information. The time is 23:36 and the day is HALLOWEEN! Do you know what that means? It’s my two year anniversary in the city. I mean, I did leave for five and a half months to go back to Wisconsin, and then I took my trip to Asia. Buttttt then I came right back to the city. I was to late to smoke on the Montgomery Steps, but to my credit, I have been in the same spot from day one back in the city. No hostel surfing for me this time. No hotel my first night back… I did that one stint at Pacific Tradewinds…u know. and that was before David worked there, or I met Bernarda. That was hella back in the day.

I left on my trip to Asia inspired by things that happened to me in this city, and when I came back to the city more grown and evolved, the city took me back in like family and continued to teach me new lessons.

Earlier tonight I learned P-Lo is playing in Oakland, and it’s the place to be. I didn’t go, but I really thought about it. I know two people that are going. One was a tinder date I had, and the other is my friend from work. She told me she was on a dbl date dealio, otherwise I might have gone out to meet her; the girl from my work. seems cool, but I don’t know her well at all.

Bobs is hella smokey right now. It gets like that sometimes.

omg. So I gotta tell you this story about Casey. omg I don’t think I should even tell you. It might be an invasion of his privacy. But it had me cracking up lolol I’m still laughing. Basically though, he fell on a bus once when the driver hit the brakes abruptly, and it they actually had to stop the bus and…omg it was so funny when he told me that shit tonight. Not a good situation, it was. We were riding the 27 from Market Street so I could come to Bob’s, right, and outta nowhere, he was like “Bro, I just remembered this story…” And then he told me some god-damn-gold.

Okay, so I am writing this from my phone. Okay so I am writing this with my thumbs. Ayyy Jack just texted me. Jack from Mac’d. I was thinking about doing some exploring of abandoned pieces of society with him. He’s telling me about some good spots…I can see. I haven’t opened the messages yet. But, as I was saying, I am writing this to you from my phone, and it’s not as efficient as the whole computer set-up, so I am going to keep it short today. I guess I wanted to talk about how I am a little stressed, about missing my opportunity to talk to this girl Chelsea I have been slowly meeting. I should be telling you about how I am messaging her on IG right now, but instead I am forced to tell you about how I have to wait until next time. It’s my fault. Ball was in my court, and I pretty much just passed it back. There are many things I should address. It sucks how much I have to work on this transparency thing. Even when I am free to write because I have my computer, I leave a lot out, even in my unpublished writing. some of it is lost to time, because my memory sucks. and that’s one of the reasons I started blogging! So I could remember IT ALL. Gotta keep that in mind. But that’s toodaloo for now! PEACE @00:01 11/1/19

–  SparkTwain

* * *

You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Bob’s Donuts; back for the first time

The time is 11:11 and I am writing to you from Bob’s Donuts on Polk St. It’s been a hella long while since I have written to you from Bob’s donuts, mostly because they plugged something into the outlet I used to use, so…no there is no outlet. Since I am still lugging around the brick it’s like…wtf lol, I shoulda stopped lugging around this heavy-ass computer last year. So today, I am writing to you from Bob’s just until my computer dies…or until I get tired of writing, which feels like it might come first. This computer is so spotty. I feel like when I bring the charger, it stays alive for an hour or two, but then when I chance it without the charger I pull this thing out and it’s hella dead. I do like this HP though. I got approved for a $2000 credit line from Dell though, and it may very well be that I advance to a computer that can edit some video.

So I listened to a couple of podcasts this morning. First I listened to episodes 7 and 14 of “The Sweat Startup,” and then I listened to episode 1 of “Startup Podcast.” I found the first podcast more educational, and the second more motivational [while still being educational]. Recently I have been feeling very stuck with the dilemma of “what business do I start,” because I know whatever I put my mind to, I can succeed at. I don’t have to be stuck with the decision I make forever, but I certainly will need to stick with it for several years until it comes to fruition and I can sell the business, or whatever happens. I have already been writing this blog for several years, and although I have not posted a lot and spent most of my time writing what could be considered the equivalent of a diary, I am very proud in what I have accomplished here at Spark Twain; originally Heart Of Zeus. I have lived in Seattle and San Francisco, I have worked at two hostels, and I have taken a trip around the world. I quit smoking cigarettes in October of 2017, and I quit drinking alcohol in July of 2018. I adopted the pen name Spark Twain in April of 2019, and recently I have been getting more serious about my videography.

What happens next? As usual, I am not sure. I have a tough time making decisions, and that leads to a lack of confidence in execution. Should I start a store that sells bongs and pipes? Or should I start a blog that supports the ASMR Community? Should I just focus more on my Spark Twain blog, go to cannabis events, and become a public figure like Kim Kardashian? Ha. I have many directions I could go, and sadly I will have to choose only ONE! I just spent all my money, and so I am starting over YET AGAIN in my life. This time is a softy though. I’ve been down-in-the-dumps. Right now I’m only looking at the dumps from across the street.

I am charging my phone, and I am sweating a lot, that’s what I know right now. Probably because I haven’t showered in a couple of days lol, but I have been washing my feet because…well otherwise I’d be in savage mode. Yesterday I went out and bought a micron brush pen because I was thinking I would make some art for the wall at the new Bob’s Donuts…but damn, I haven’t done any art in a long time. It would be a helluva thing if I busted out with some donut art by the deadline of tomorrow.

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The time is now 13:23 [01:23pm for yall] and I am back at Bob’s after going to the park up the street and laying out and smoking a bowl and recording a time lapse of myself, and then also just sitting there for a bit and thinking about life and shit. It is 10 minutes later [since the last sentence]and I just messaged my dad asking him if I have a practical idea with connecting glass blowers to cannabis consumers. I am interested to hear what he says. I can’t blow glass, I can’t build websites, and I have no capital to hold an inventory. What exactly am I doing? When I am asking myself that question it’s like…

* * *

The time is now 17:42 and I am writing to you from Caffe Trieste. I haven’t ordered anything yet, and this is the weak point of my visit today, as the line is only getting longer. I feel a little rude not ordering right away, but alas, here I am! I filmed a time lapse video before I got here, including my walk here. So that’ll be on my IG, and for the first time in a lonnggggg fucking time I will have a post on my IG that is relevant with my blog. That’s a huge step forward in productivity for me. So I am at Caffe Trieste right, and I am going to make a pros and cons list about working in the weed industry. I think this will help me move forward with some of the problems I have had making considerations come full circle. The line is hella long here at Trieste now. and you know what I am going to do? I am going to dunk a Bob’s raised maple glazed doughnut into my Trieste…espresso? Or should I get coffee today. There is wayy more caffeine in a cup of coffee than a dbl espresso. Idk if I am ready to consume that much so late in the day. The time is 17:50. I should probably get in line before….omg it just keeps getting longer! There is nothing that can be done about it. One time Baron gave me the pluggity-plug and side-countered me my drink. Don’t tell no one that. But that was the only time I ever cut the line. Once. It happened one time.

There are ten ppl standing in what could be considered “the line” although a lot of them are clustered at the front. The mama’s and the Papas are on the jukebox now and a smile has unavoidably taken over my face. It was a stretch between that last sentence and this one. There is a gentleman who is at Trieste often, and he drinks an Africano and he writes on non-lined paper, in cursive, about the world around him while in Trieste, and presumably other places but I am not sure. He just walked past me. I am going to get in line and order…probably an espresso.

I am now sitting here with an espresso that has two bites out of it and I’m just gonna leave that sentence how it is. I am a little stoned. The lady in front of me in line didn’t have cash and they made her go to the ATM. Me? I ordered a dbl espresso. Come Fly With Me just came on the juke now. I love it. It’s all good music coming out of that thing. So I am getting caffeinated af and Jo is at class in the mission…I guess that’s all there is to say. I am going to post this before I leave Trieste, but I think I will make the pros and cons list before I post, and I am going to start that list now. The time is 18:14.

Holy Moley! The time is 19:17 and I almost forgot to publish this, but now? Now I am going to publish it…so it’s really like I didn’t forget at all. There is someone BUMPING their subs outside. I think I am going to post this, and then go to the Peter Macchiarini steps and smoke some more and film a time-lapse and wait for Jo, and then I am going to head to her place later. Should be a good time! I am excited. The world is a wild place…idk what has caused me to suddenly get back into posting content, but I am here, and I am posting.

– Spark Twain

* * *

A Note from the future:
You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through,
and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work.
Thanks in advance!

4.17-4.19 Happy Donuts

I never do fucking anything. I am eating a giant apple fritter [I think it’s giant, idk the average size of an apple fritter] and drinking a huge coffee. Check And Mate. The time is 18:05 and I am writing to you from Happy Donuts in North Beach. What I should be doing is writing a proposal to get this job I read about on Craigslist. It’s a paid gig: being the ambassador for a weed company. I would reply to emails, and go to events. It’s totally up my alley, I should really apply. I need to build up the confidence to write that email…or something. Am I just lazy? It doesn’t have to be anything long, I should just get it over with. I’m gonna talk to Casey about it maybe tho, and get to it in the AM.

Some lady gave me “chocolate covered grapes” today as I was entering the Library. She was leaving. Normally I would never eat food from strangers…but I felt good vibes with this. The weirdest part about the whole thing is that what she gave me, they were definitely chocolate covered raisins. I really thought she was about to whip out a bag of fat-ass grapes with chocolate all over them and give it to me, and she pulled out some chocolate covered raisins, but it said ‘chocolate covered grapes’ on the container! I should have taken a photo, but I totally didn’t, and now I’ve thrown it away cuz I ate them all. It was a lot.

This apple fritter is a lot. Whoa. Sugar sugar sugar; it’s basically all I consume. I have just over two hours before Casey gets off work…what to do? what to do! I should be prepping for the future…instead I just do this. I am going to text my Dad real quick to see if he got my debit card. || I ate some of my fritter after I texted him, and still no answer. I called him a little bit ago too, but he didn’t answer and I don’t blame him because I really called out of nowhere. Okay! So! What I need to do is…some research. and take notes. and find a job and a regular place to chill with good, cheap scones and good internet. Happy Donuts…I don’t think there is internet here. I haven’t asked, but nothing of similarity shows up in the wifi options. OoOo my Dad texted me. My debit card arrived at his house! Wowza. He is going to mail it to me…or actually he is going to mail it to Casey. Cool. So I’ll get that in a couple of weeks or whatever, and I’ll be able to get direct deposit at my new job, wherever that new job is. I can’t believe I elected to leave Buena Vista park and come eat this apple fritter. I should have just stayed there all night, that was the move. I just want to lay down someplace warm. The wind was starting to come actually, that is why I left the park. The wind is going to be striking everywhere in the city. Ugh. I still have a long time before Casey gets off work. Today was a really unproductive day, and now I am literally all the way out of money. Cool. Okay…I should really sit here and edit and what not until Casey gets off in 2 hours, but I feel like I am going to do something much stupider like go smoke weed in a park somewhere. I am hungry. Nonono; I am stoned! I need to be prepping for that job and all that, but nah, I’ve just been in and out, in and out; not living right. I gotta figure it out. Idk what to do…but I think I am going to go chill in a park and think about life…I guess for 2 hours, as I wait for Casey. I really wish I had a girl to hang out with. I will have to figure that situation out and get a girl to kick it with…Peace!

* * *

My job search is not going well. Maybe I just don’t want a job lol. I want a job in one of those tech kitchens, that seems like the move. There are jobs available, but many of them are not what I would want to do long term. I want a job I can hold onto for a while, maybe get a raise…it would definitely become easy, you know?

I am writing to you from USCH, and dare I say…I am bored? I looked through all the ads on CL this morning, but nothing jumped out to me, and then I even reconsidered sending this email I was going to send out…so now I’m just chillin. and I’m almost out of weed. My G did borrow me some money, but idk when it will be in my acct. I also transferred some money over from my tdameritrade acct, so at least I won’t be a totally broke mf for the time being, but damn skippy! I need to find a job. There’s this Ice Cream place hiring, Salt and Straw, and they need a supervisor. I was thinking about applying there, just diving full on into it! From the beginning that would be my plan, to tackle that team and make it run smooth. I know the SF game, I can play that shit. Buttt nothing will be as easy or as good as working in a tech kitchen. 06:00-14:30? Those are the best possible hours I could ever ask for. I will have room for chillin, writing, and a second job if I want. It’s the most ace schedule I could ask for. Working 09:00-17:00? Well obviously that doesn’t sound appetizing by comparison. Casey is telling me to just bite what I got, but I like the prospects of a tech kitchen. I will find one…I will.

On my mind is that I should buy a scone. Damn scones! I could consider hitting the atm too. I am going to see if any of my tda money transferred over. Not yet. I’ve got $24, and my back hurts. My general plan is to go lay is Yerba Buena. I am texting my Dad now. OoOoOo and I feel the coffee. I also messaged Kalen and told him to remind me to tell him about the sweet idea I just had about living in an RV, later when he gets off work. I heard Oakland is actually making a place for people to park their RV’s permanently. Right now the whole bay is full of RV’s parked on the sides of roads everywhere! I’m picturing a situation where you can actually buy a plot at an RV lot, and then that piece of property would probably go up in value. You paid 10k, or maybe even 30k for a large spot, and you have to park an RV on it, and you have to obey some sort of lot code otherwise they kick you out. and I want there to be public toilets on the premises. Right in Oakland. Think this will be available? 30k is a lot of money…that’s 15k a piece if I split it with Kalen, and that would take us forever to save. We could try and get a loan…but would it go up in value? I think it would. I hope you could get one for 10k; a spot that is. Then buy a trailer for an additional 10k, and boom! You got yourself a home, for two people, split 10k each, and in the 2-3 years I would live there I would come out wayyyy on top. Way on top. If I worked 2 jobs…I guess I would have to consider the cost of the BART…it would be better to have something like that on this side, or down by the airport. Is it cheaper to bart to downtown from the airport, or Oakland? I really don’t know. The time is 09:59…I am being so non-productive, it’s not even funny [turns out, I think, the RV lot will be mostly for, like, real homeless people. I don’t see why the homeless people don’t just move to SLC tho.]

To get sconed, or to not get sconed, that is the question! I am also considering going to Bob’s and seeing what they have, but it’s all a farce; I shouldn’t be eating sugar. I am watching a video on IG from beatrixfosterscreates right now as I am typing. I had to look at the keys a little bit for that, but it’s just me having fun with my newly found skill of typing well without looking at the keys. Soo this girl Elena Velez, who is from Milwaukee but I am not sure I have ever met her, she might have even gone to my highschool though; Danae knew her from school, but I went to a different school than Danae. anyway. She styled GRIMES! Dude, wtf?!? I know right. I follow her on IG, not only because she is a beautiful girl from my hometown, but also because she is interesting. She went to Parsons School of Fashion in Paris, and then she got out and moved to NYC and just started doing her thing, and now GRIMES is wearing her fucking clothes. Damn. I am jealous I did not befriend her. She gonna be hella wealthy, and I believe her to be mighty interesting. I mean she is from Milwaukee, so how could she not be ill? Duh. I hope that’s what they say about me lol.

So I posted my HK doc, but I have not even opened up the one previous to this and begun to edit. Apparently I fucking hate editing, it takes me forever to get into. I gotta do it though! Just how I gotta get a job, I gotta keep up with editing. Do I really go to Yerba Buena and just chill? I should be going and getting hired! I am kind of playing it cool until 4/20. Oh! Tomorrow is my Moms birthday. Woohoo! I should probably call her. I am sure she’s doing alright, but I haven’t talked to her on the phone in a while, only thru text messaging. I feel like I am talking in circles. I need to talk about something new. What’s going to happen is, I am going to get a scone, refill my coffee, come back to this table, and…

* * *

So far I am having little luck with the finding a job. I sent out one email today. Woohoo. In front of me I have a large coffee and an apple fritter. I am so bad! I will learn…I hope. Or just survive a long time even with a bad diet lol. I am excited to be an old man…but I gotta make sure I’m set up by the time I get there!

After I left you before I took some notes on starting a t-shirt company with Kalen. I met up with him eventually, and we talked about a lot of the things. ASMR seems to be the way we are taking things. Cool. I am ready for that. I have passion for ASMR, and I would be happy to rep a company that sells ASMR related goods. Shirts. We’re gonna start with shirts.

I just ate a whole fucking fritter. Jesus Christ. Seriously. I can’t believe I am still living this life. I told myself I wasn’t going to get down with the sweets today, and I still ended up with a scone earlier, and a fritter now. Eh. I’m trying not to beat myself up about it. I got coffee and a fritter. I am thinking of ordering a second donut…but that’s just so extra. Yeah, one can live like that…but not as long, and the closer it gets to the end the more you’re gonna wish you had done things differently. I’m definitely about to order another donut…tbh I’m just glad I am leaving something behind [when I die]. I’m at 135ish blog posts on my site now, and I am damn proud of that. I remember when I used to sit around drinking alcohol, thinking about life and all that jazz, and now I am actually out here living it, and I am real life writing about my travels. I may not be making money off my writing, and I don’t think this blog will be the pinnacle of my work, but I am out here doing it, and I feel good af about that. Okay. Real life I’m addicted to donuts and I’m going to get another one. Oh wait. The guy went wayway back behind the counter. I am going to wait until he returns. What I first walk into a restaurant it’s fair game, I’ll bother anyone, but once I’ve been there sitting for a while I tend to act different and I am overly-polite about asking for service. Mmm idk where the dude is. Oh wait, I see him. This sure is a quiet donut shop, but I like how roomy it is. I like the donuts at Bob’s better, but I like the wide open spaces of this place forsure. They both have one outlet, ain’t that a level playing field?

I just bought two more fucking donuts, no lie. I bought a plain ole fashion, and a chocolate ole fashion. I am going to regret this very soon, like as soon as I am done eating them lol. I feel like I eat nothing but sugar in the city. Omg. What have I grown up to become!?! I’m a damn sugar monger! Anyway. I am waiting for Casey to get off work. He gets off at 20:00 today, which is in 2 minutes. I told him to meet me at Happy Donuts. I met him at work for the past two days, but I aint ready for that cold walk today.

Was it so long ago I wrote about opening a donut shop inside a hostel? I am pretty sure I dreamed that dream. It is a dead dream now. I could never own a donut shop, or I would do nothing but eat donuts all the time. It would be dreadful to my health. I remember back in the day I used to get sconed as fuckkkk at the Green Tortoise. It was bad…I know that. I would eat like 15 cookies; I was wilding. Boy oh boy, those were some good times though.

I think I am infatuated with selling t-shirts. I am coming up with loads of ideas, not just asmr ideas. There is this site, 6dollarshirts.com; if we were to start selling t-shirts I guess they would become competition, but for now I follow their ig to learn. I would like to sell quality $6 shirts. In fact, I believe if I knew how to sell a shirt for $6 and make a profit, I would be onto a really flexible and realistic business model. Idk how those folks make money with $6 shirts tho; idk where they get the shirts! It’s not witchcraft, but it also ain’t something I’m ready to start doing today. I feel like eating another donut…I should really quit while I’m…well I should just quit. I am going to pack it in and go meet Casey wherever he is, even though I am cold. I just wanted to settle in and write a little bit and, well, look at my ass! I drink a large coffee and eat the equivalent of 4 donuts! Shame on you Chris! Shame on you!

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The time is 19:06 and I am writing to you from Happy Donuts in North Beach. I have a medium coffee and a maple glazed ole fashion in front of me. The donut is good, but I am still a little disappointed in myself for ordering it. I told myself I wasn’t going to eat any sugar today, and you know what? I made it to 19:04 lol. Today was a roller coaster of a day. I’d like to think I learned something, or gained anything in any sense from the day, but only time will tell that; I am improving my life, but it is quite slow.

Today is my Mom’s birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I miss my mom, it has been quite some time since I have seen her. I saw her for a short amount of time when I was back in Wisconsin, but just a short time. Maybe when I am older we will spend time together like we once did. I have so many splitting thoughts in my head recently. Ugh. and I lack the patience to write them all down, that is the problem. I tell too much of the story. I need to just pick a story, and tell it; short and to the point. Today had some stories, but they are  small potatoes compared to the big picture. I left with Casey this morning, and we spent the whole day tromping around the city before we finally made it back about 30 minutes ago, and then I ate some peanuts for a little bit while he at his Zoro burrito, and then I hit the road. He is pretty drunk and ready to hit the hay, but I am not ready to crash right now. The time is 19:15 as we speak, and the fact is I am not ready for bed.

Omg I just finished that fucking donut. Uggo Fuggo bro, uggo fuggo, that’s all I gotta say about that. Maybe I’ll order a second lol. Right now I am thinking about smoking a bowl…and in fact it’s probably what I should do because later on I am going to do some editing, and that’s practically boring if I am stoned. I think it’s better to do it on the other end of being stoned, like the tail end of it. Ugh. Yeah. So much to tell. This…I want this to be the last HeartOfZeus post you guys…I sit here in Happy Donuts after having a mediocre day, and I have a million thoughts running through my head, the top of which is that I need to gather the patience to spell out everything that is on my mind, but I also feel like if I grasp on to something else, it will help me find that patience for continual story telling. Cue: Spark Twain.

The prospect of editing all my writing is…daunting, to say the least. I have to edit like 10 or 12 pages, which is the first bit from San Francisco, and then I should also edit and publish this…although idk how I am going to publish since this place has no internet. I’d have to go stand outside a Starbucks or something. I wonder if they turn their WiFi off at night, or if like, the homeless people can log on and use that shit all night. That would be the move. It’s cold in the financial district because the buildings funnel all the wind, but there are so many Starbucks, I could now understand why some people choose to sleep there. Seriously! People sleep outside in the FD, at least last year they did. London Breed…I think she has changed the city [for the better] a little bit. Casey pointed out that there are less homeless people, and I might agree with him. I mean I saw the cops wake 3 homeless people up that were sleeping on the Kearny steps the other day. WTF you guys, last year that shit never would have happened. I smoked weed on my work shifts outside on those steps for a long time, and I never saw the cops come and wake someone the fuck up. Never. Nevereverever. If you had told me that I was about to see the 5-0 wake up the homeless people sleeping on the Kearny steps, back when I was in Vietnam, I never would I have been able to believe you. Cops didn’t do shit about the homeless people last year. Like not shit. It was a joke. It’s going to take some getting used to; because with the cops playing harder on the homeless folk, I am closer to the fringe than I’ve ever been in this city!

Today I bought some new socks…soon I will need a new hoodie. I actually bought one last year in Chicago from a thrift store in Wicker Park, but I gave it to the guy who was running my first Airbnb in India because I didn’t need it. Honestly; you wanna know honest? I bought the new one because it was a cold day in Chicago and I needed it when I stupidly didn’t bring my leather coat. I didn’t want to wear the one I bought in Chi while I was in India, because it looked new af, and you know I have this old holey af hoodie, but I earned and built all these holes. I didn’t want to walk around in a brand new hoodie getting treated like a brand new hoodie cat [it was bright hunting-orange] when I have a perfectly good hoodie that gets me treated like the mf who built the hoodie. I mean it’s a Carhardt hoodie, I didn’t really craft it, but I have worn this thing a lot since my G bought it for me in like…2011? Let’s just say 2011, I could be totally off with that. I remember being in Fleet Farm and looking at the hoodies, and i remember picking this one out…it’s such a mess when the actual date was, but logically it must have been after I lived in River West. I feel like maybe I owned the hoodie during my time in River West…but probably not. I wonder if I should buy another donut. I am really not keeping on track with what I want to/am supposed to be writing.

I was going to tell you about my day, and how Casey bought two super veggie burritos from this place Gordo on 9th Ave, but then I got sidetracked. Well, now I have told you. He got drunk af again today. idkkkk. The more drunk he gets the less he gives a fuck about anything, and so as the day goes on it gets harder to continue kicking it with him. It’s so weird when he gets drunk; like, he turns kind of dysfunctional, but recently imo he has been turning into an asshole when he gets drunk…which is everyday. I mean…that’s bad right? The truth is I know Casey is an alcoholic, and Casey knows I am an alcoholic, but that doesn’t mean I can get thru to him. I watched him save up 7k, and then slowly blow all of it on cheap, shitty coke from some guy down on Mission and Four. It was…so sad. but you know what? Casey don’t give no fucks. He doesn’t give a fuckkk. He strung that habit well into when he couldn’t afford it, and he was getting a little bit fucked up at MAC’D. I mean sometimes he would get high af, don’t get me wrong, but then a lot of the time I would watch him stretch a little amount for quite a long time. It wasn’t fun to watch any of it, and so after I left the city he got off that shit, and then he started drinking right afterward! No good. That was how things went down.

Actually that’s what all my ‘lost’ writing is about. Last year I wrote like 150 pages of…rambling, and it’s split up into six document titled Bob’s Donuts 1-6. The lot of it I was about being blown out with Casey so eventually you will be able to read about that whole experience. I basically…forgot what I have written. I know how to access it, and eventually I need to edit it, but for now it just sits. It’s still not that old.

I just bought another donut. It is almost fully dark outside, and the time is 19:52 on 04/19/19. I sit in this city full of highly educated, tech industry people, and I feel myself very poor. I want more. But how bad do I really want it? It’s been one whole week that I have been back in SF, and I still don’t have a job, or even any real prospects of a job. I was going to go apply for this cashier position today, but I didn’t go in. I need to shave my beard off if I am going to work in food, forreal. The cashier position is 7-3 m-f in the fd, did I write about it already? Those are good prospect. and 17 an hour. Boom! What more could I ask for? I just show up sober every day and I’ll be making good money in no time. I kinna wish I had gone in today, but Monday might still be a good day. If they haven’t hired anyone, then it’ll always have been meant to be. Dig?

I could literally show up at 2 am tonight; I have the keys and Casey is just chillin back there. It’s good. but I probably won’t use this freedom too liberally, I’ll probably come back early. He has smashed burrito all over the inside of his bag and I fear it will bring The Roaches. Real thing. I can’t believe I wrote that. I kind of felt that writing about it could bring bad juju on the subject, but then I decided: fuck that, I do what I want.

I want so badly to grab life by the balls…and I know I don’t because I am always stoned. I used to get stoned and have a surge of energy, but now it’s like I can only do that every once and awhile. I gotta like, only smoke the second half of the day, you know? I want a full time job where I am getting paid well enough to save, and I want a smokin-hot girl friend who lets me fuck her in all sorts of crazy ways, and I know both of these are very obtainable in my position, and it’s disappointing I haven’t gone after their acquisition harder since I have been back in the city! For the first time in my life I feel like I have it in me to build my own empire, finally, and I am so excited to start! So it’s like…why don’t I have a job yet? I have been sitting and talking myself into “I only want a job at a tech kitchen,” yet at the same time I am not jumping on shaving my beard, which I really should be. I am hoping to meet some girl at Dolores Park tomorrow and have her shave my beard. That’s what I want. Oh yeah; that’s what I want. I was just daydreaming about it. Could go totally swell man. Maybe she’ll plug me on a job too. Do I want to work in North Beach? Wow. I should have gone in for that cashiering job at the sandwich place in the Galleria. I need to go in on Monday. Just like…taking orders on a touch screen all day and dealing with money? Sounds like the most boring thing in the world, but I promise I would be phenomenal at it. I am really adamant about getting a job in the morning and then not smoking weed before I go to work. Even though I am Spark Twain, I still want to hold a job where I don’t smoke weed all the time. Kalen is doing it and he is living a pretty good life. If I start trying to work some cashiering job in the fd all stoned everyday, that’s just going to end ugly. I’ll be spending more money on weed, first all, and second I’ll be tired af all the time and I just won’t be having a good time. If I get a job where I’m the customer service captain/cashier at a sandwich shop in tech part of the city? and I don’t smoke weed everyday until I’m out of work and I get paid and use my checks to pay rent in the city and invest in things that will help make me more money on the side; and I keep this up for a year or two, probably while getting promotions at my job even though the hours will never change because they close at 15:30? Smooth-fucking-move that would be! I’m on seven pages here…there is no way I am about to edit all that work tonight. Am I? I really should. I should stay out until midnight if that’s what it takes, duh! Get some new content on my blog for 4/20?!? Nobody except for Kalen really reads it, but I still feel good about it all. Hmm. and I said earlier in this article, like within the last hour lol, that I was done with HOZ and I was moving onto ST. Idk if that is going to remain true. It would be a good motivator, because I need some money rolling in to fuck with expanding on ST, but that is certainly not my number one reason for getting money and I don’t think it is going to rock the boat enough to really make me motivated; and so it’s not worth me entertaining the idea just to fail, or expending the extra resources implementing the change at this stage, because like I said: no one is really reading this and I don’t think that is about to change just because I change formats over to ST; although I think the format change will overtime help build a stronger, more memorable personal-writing-brand. PWB I guess.

I am so fucked up over girls, man. There were just these two spry looking birds in Happy Donuts, and one of them was thicc, I mean like thiccaf and they came into the shop while I was editing before, but then I went outside to smoke a bowl, and while I was out there they left the donut shop, but they kind of bobbed around outside for a bit and I knew I could go talk to them; of course my ego has me thinking they were bobbing around waiting for me to talk to them specifically. My ego thinks things like that a lot, it’s probably not true, I realize as I get older and use logic more and more. So I came back in and wanted to edit, but I just couldn’t/can’t get the one girl out of my head. She was wearing skin tight black jeans, and a black hoodie. Punk rocker, and looked a little in the face like the girl from Cambridge who was going for astrophysics at university of someotherlesser city. I’m not saying this girl looked a lot like her, just a little bit, but it made me think that maybe she’s actually a nerd disguised as a punk rocker. Idk. It doesn’t matter. She’s gone, with her ass and all that, and I am stuck here with my computer and I am supposed to be editing some of my past work, but I got horny and distracted and have wound up writing instead of editing…as usual. I am not worried though. I write…a lot. I do. I know that I produce a lot of writing. I re-read all of it at least once when I give it the final edit, and then it goes to my website, and much of that stuff I haven’t read since I posted it. It’s getting to the point where I am starting to wonder what to do with all the writing. Can I sell it in anyhow? Write an epic using all the different articles, the new story being an expedited version of the Heart Of Zeus story? I could do that. Ugh. So much work. It’s all so much work. My current plan is to switch over to the Spark Twain platform and start writing more humorous stories, mostly about San Francisco but I could write stories about anywhere. Then I will make people want to read the stories because they are funny, interesting, and informative, as they will be pseudo-fiction. Real SF; embellished stories.

Ugh. I don’t feel like fucking editingggg. I guess it’s my job. Writing has become the easy part, where as editing is the really dreadful task. I can writeandwriteandwrite forever, and the fact is that I want to edit all the work I produce. If I let someone else go over it, they might not do what I would want done for the editing, and in the end they could fuck it all up. I could never read, or even look at the final product; ever, but that doesn’t seem like a good way to build a personal brand.

The time is 21:14 in North Beach and I am still at the donut shop. I am starting to think I should head back to Casey’s, idk. I could edit in the morning, make it my sole task, and then go to the park later. I guess I don’t wanna be all smoked out before 4:20. I mostly celebrate the day, but so many people celebrate the time too it’s hard to avoid. When it’s not 4/20 I smoke at 16:20 if I notice it, or if I can. But when it is 4/20, I just smoke and smoke and don’t worry about the time of day or anything like that. Dig? Okay…I am going to wrap this up, power through editing as much of my other work as I can, and then go hit the hay at Casey’s and wake up on 4/20 and get baked all day and meet some cute girls. Peace!

Spark Twain

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A Note from the future:
You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through,
and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work.
Thanks in advance!