Cream City Hostel 18; How Social Media Handles Pandemics.

Instagram vs Reality Coronavirus: How Social Media Handles Pandemics. That is the name of the podcast I am listening to on Spotify right now.

I have been listening to Business Casual for a while now, but I haven’t been listening religiously. That is to say, I haven’t tuned in every single week. Since the outbreak of covid-19 however, they have been releasing episodes more often than usual. New episodes used to only come out on Tuesday’s, but the one I am going to talk about now came out on Friday, the 20th of March.

The guest for this episode is Sarah Frier, who covers social media at Bloomberg News. She has apparently written a book that will come out in April, titled: No Filter, The Inside Story Of Instagram. She also says that her job today feels less like covering a company, and more like covering a government. Heard! Hmm, apparently she works from San Francisco. I wouldn’t be surprised if I have literally been in the same room as her, probably getting coffee.

Right off the bat, Sarah jumps into the very real issue of companies, and individuals, not being cautious enough about what they post during this time. Unbelievable to my eyes! The things I have seen people post things on Instagram [and the like]. Upon seeing the posts, I always, immediately think: “bro, you shouldn’t be posting this because I don’t believe that you know if it is true or not,” [in reference to cures for Coronavirus] but I don’t comment or anything, because that is not how to solve the underlying issue, which is that social media gives us all [but especially influencers] a lot of power.

As I was preparing my coffee, I continued to listen to the conversation, and much of it came to be about facebook [and instagram, and whatsapp]. Now, I don’t really use fb, but you know what? Since leaving SF I have met many more people [and businesses] using fb avidly af, and it has made me think that I should get back into using fb to expand my brand, you know?

Oh shit! I give up! I am not going to review this podcast. I just don’t feel that what I am writing about this conversation is good enough to be considered valuable. However! If I switch it up to a random ole’ ramble, top 0 the morning to you Sally//? Now that’s in my wheelhouse!//!

So, with the decision having been applied, I will tell you: The time is 07:16 and the day is March 26th. It is the Year of the Virus. In front of me sits half a smoothie and a cup of coffee. I have to pee, but I also want to roast one. So! I am going to go do that! Might finish this podcast when I get back? But I might just put on something heady too.

Returned, but have not put anything on yet.

This girl, she is from Brazil, and she just yelled at me for waking her up. Damn. I do feel bad, but these doors are hella heavy, and I have no choice to be quiet with them. This hostel is quite nice, but it can occasionally give off some really stran ge v ibes. I wonder what has happened inside this building over the years…It was owned by the school district for a mighty long time, and the last thing it operated as was a daycare center. Now it’s the Cream City Hostel, obviously.

Sounds from 8/7/72 fill the air. This show is from Alpine Valley! On Spotify it’s called Dick’s Picks Vol 32. So…idk if Dick just has the rights to these shows…I recall Kalen telling me about this once, and how the earlier albums were all complications, but they didn’t hit so hard because that isn’t really what the Head’s want. I don’t remember what else he told me, but I have an image of him in my mind, with one of his eye brows raised, his irises turned to the sky, and his head cocked while he ponders after finishing the sentence “…so idk if he owns the rights to those shows or…” What would he go on to say next? Hmm. “August 24th 1974 though bro, you should listen to that one.”

It just occurred to me how cool it will be to include a deadhead in future my stories; fictional.

You know! The reason I started this blog was so I would get better at writing. Since I was young, I have always wanted to write a book. In fact, I think it is one of the few inspirations that got carried over from my childhood. The type of thing that, if I had to get motivated about it again, idk if it would happen. You only get one spark of madness! So don’t lose it! That’s what Robin Williams said.

I believe that strongly to be true, but I have also seen different kinds sparks, and seen how they can grow, and extinguish. My spark of madness to write a book has grown into a lust for greatness; I can’t explain exactly the feeling of knowing St Stephen will call your name…but it’s kind of like knowing someone else is going to give you an orgasm within a couple of hours.

My spark to become a computer programmer, and use that money to pay my bills and fund my dreams, what happened to it?! In fact, haha, I think many people have that spark. Once you understand how that world works, lives, and resides it’s like yeah I want some of that. Honestly I recommend this free class through App Academy. They teach the program in Ruby, and from the two weeks I experienced of it, the class was quite proper. There is no way! That, if you went into that [free, online] class with the right attitude! You can’t fail!!//!

You could absolutely go online and start the free class right now, and after two moths of intense learning, you would be so deep into the game that you would be addicted. Or…you will end up like me, and realize you are just dang bad at algebra.

Starting a business is an idea that started as a spark, and at this point my idea of opening a business is so intermingled with my skill of writing, it’s one big ass fire. I have a passion for writing, but I also have the skill of communication. When I write…I feel like I get the message across [at least when I want to], and that is something which can be translated into many mediums. It’s kind of like programming. Once you learn Ruby, learning other programming languages is going to be a different concept than learning your first one, and further even, solving problems in that new language is going to show-and-prove what level of skill you posses when it comes to programming. If you can solve any problem in any code, you are quite close to a master of the trade, are you not? Well, in the world of communication, I spiral the jockey, b!tch.

What I see as the most viable, immediately open career opportunity for myself is this: communicating the ideas of business [and corporations] into messages the people of the world can collectively understand.

If YOU have a brand, and you’re target audience is currently “anyone that has ever worn a Nike product,” I want to help you relay your message. Without clear communication, it will be impossible to get 10% of those people to initialize a relationship with your brand, and further still getting 1% of them to spend their hard-earned money with you is impossible without clear communication.

Let it be know that those are my goals. If you can pay to reach 1 million people, you should aim for 100k of them follow your advertisement back to your site, and 10k spend money with you, that investment in advertising will certainly pay off. [ten percent sounds awfully large now that I’m editing this lol]

Omg! The time is now 09:19.

I just spent a while talking to Tim, and then roasted another one. Whew. Heavy day! Now, honestly, I want to play some Civ 5. So I’m going to post this up, and then get that done. Peace! [the time is 10:02 and I am finished with editing. Do you see how long that takes! Almost an hour! For two pages!]

Spark Twain

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Lazy Lightening Lockdown 1

[#$%#$%Q#$%$%W$%^%&^*^%^]///http:QU&R@NT33N                                                                                                                                      Woe is the traveler of 2020!

*I’m looking at you, 2020!*

The year upon us is proven to be unpredictable, but! Let it be known that Spark Twain has your back during this time of crisis. Much of the world is on lockdown, because COVID-19 isn’t something to joke about; I think we all know someone at risk during this time.

With technological advancement and population growth each on their own one way trip, this may not be the last time you are advised to self-quarantine due to a virus. That being said, why not give yourself the gift that keeps on giving! The gift of a backup plan. Unfortunately this backup plan is the plan until further notice, but I’m just saying it would be ripe to set yourself up with a “list of stuff to do,” as it were, during this time of crisis. That’s called being prepared for anything but also being organized af.

Hands up for Online Communities!

When it comes to online communities, you have a large pool to choose from. Small fb groups [I’m thinking specifically groups for expats], and involving yourself in blog forums. Even communicating in the comments section of YouTube can be a way to go about building relationships that wouldn’t otherwise have existed without bridging those random, virtual gaps. I’m just saying that there are many ways to get involved with a group conversation online. There are so many websites to chat on! I don’t know 99% of them, certainly. Make sure to add me on ig and leave a comment telling me where you go. Seriously. Here’s my list:

The first and most obvious choice, at least to the savvy, is Reddit. Where are you going to find an active community of people already chatting with each other, ready and willing to give away free travel advice? Right here, baby!

Another community I have tuned into multiple time, but have not fully explored, or adequately contributed to, is the forum Nomadic Matt links to from his website. The thread here discusses the stillness that has been thrust upon us. This part of the forum is a place for members of the community to say hello to one another. I see a lot of people posting, but not a lot of people commenting, so I am thinking that if you want the balance of everything to fall into your favor, you should start your journey on The Nomadic Network commenting on existing material, rather than posting new material. You might be surprised as how the days will fly by when you get active within an online community!

Read a book! You know you have been thinking about it! I know I have been thinking about it… I have a copy of Shantaram in my room here at Cream City Hostel that I look at often, but open sparsely. It’s a folly of mine, not reading, and I folly it up day after day.

If I do finish Shantaram, you will be the first to know!

For today, that is all I have for you. I have been writing a lot, but you know me! I’m always behind on the editing. I usually write two or three pages a day at least, which is all just me rambling about life, the universe, and everything. Today however, I was on a roll writing some more research heavy stuff, and so I decided to continue that roll right on into my blog, and I present you with this! The Lazy Lightening Lockdown Travelers Guide 1. As I think of more ways to help us all as a traveling community stay motivated and sane during this time of crisis, I will write them down, and I will share them with you in further editions of this publication. For now? I will put on 11/2/77 and vibe out.

Spark Twain

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After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Cream City Hostel 8

Not very many minutes ago, I looked in the mirror, and a realization shot through me like a lightening bolt. I am not using this life to the fullest.

For a long time, I have been freestyle rapping, and honestly it is something I enjoy so much. There might be nothing I enjoy more than freestyling, except of course the things I enjoy more. I love to write as well, but right now I am feeling an imbalance. Too much writing with not enough rapping. One thing I have been hella hoping to do, is record some music with Super Ego. TBH he makes a different type of hiphop than I do, but as long as our vibes mesh, I think we could make some really good stuff.

In my ears right now is Roddy Ricch. This is the first time I’ve listened to anything outside ‘the box.’ I just hit the first song on Spotify, and I kind of forgot I wasn’t listening to an album, but regardless, every song was good. This is really good music. The beats are epic, and beyond that, Roddy paints us a rather vivid picture of himself. We know he uses cashapp, which I’ve never used [venmo me tho @robertplant]. He then says “slack slack.” I wonder how many things you can use the Slack app for.

I would do say some dirty shit, but I’m scared af. Oh shit, and look at that, it comes back around.

My eyes didn’t even meet their mirror counterpart before the realization struck me. Me! The HeartOfZeus. The time is 09:00 on the dot. I have probably been writing this for 20 minutes. I spent a lot of time thinking about nothing lol. That’s just an update. I accidentally deleted the last two sentences, and I thought that might be a sign, but I have decided to keep them. Whoa. One of these rappers is talking about how a girl put an ecstasy pill in her ass. That’s some futuristic shit. Am I really even living if I’ve never kicked it proper with a lady that sticks the occasional ecstasy pill up her ass? Hahaha. Maybe though, that’s some different shit. That’s a damn freak!

Kobe is dead. How many rap songs do you think he is mentioned in? I mean seriously. To get to his level of fame is…it’s something else. It came from hardwork! Mamba never looked in the mirror and thought “Why am I not squeezing more out of this life?”

I have no idea what went through Kobe’s mind. I tried to create something to say, but I realized I really really don’t know the man. With a little elbow geese, I could. You too can meet Kobe for the first time, even though he is dead.

Many things fly through my brain at the speed of fiber internet, and Meek Mill fills my ear cups. Perhaps! I should try and use the internet again. Twitch it up, or something. Meh. Idk if I’m feeling it. I am feeling this writing thing, however. Oh! I did think up the idea last night, that it wold be foolish to not use this time to edit all my writing. Ugh. That’s seriously like…hundreds of pages. Maybe as many as 420 pages. That would be ironic if it was exactly that. Idk if I’ll actually count,so we will probably never know if I really have 420 pages of unedited writing or not. Holy shit! I’ll remember all sorts of shit when I go through and read all that writing. It goes pretty far back. The time is 09:14, and I think I am going to give that a try right now. I am also going to…consume. An apple? Or some oatmeal? I can’t decide. I should be able to know the answer without getting out of my chair, really. I could eat sugar for breakfast! And not just in the form of oatmeal. Okay, here I go…to eat and edit!

* * *

The time is not 10:18, and I just edited everything above, but I don’t think I am going to edit my old writing anymore. Today..what should I work on. I need to pick something, and then just finish it. Not playing Civ 5! and not writing more for my lil blog. Oh, there is a nice guitar here now, so I might play some of that for a while.

For the Cream City Hostel I should also do some promoting, but the virus has really put a shock to my system. I think all of our systems, but definitely the hospitality industry is feeling the hella burdened.

Spark Twain

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Goodbye USA Hostels!

The time is 13:04 on March 20th 2020, and I just found out that USA Hostels will be closing their doors forever. Omg! I am reeling! This is an epic blow to the hostel industry as a whole. Have you ever been to a USA Hostel? The one in Hollywood is the only location I have visited, and I visited it several times. One thing that sticks in my memory is when Gardner referenced the owner of USA Hostels, and he seemed to think quite highly of her.

Sitting in the Cream City Hostel right now, I am dumbstruck. This virus is shutting shit down. This virus is shutting the nation down! Oh woe is me, how I wish my fathers house was the position I had fallen into. I say that only because it would also mean a bunch of other things happened. Buckling down is the move, and for me, being at Cream City Hostel became the move. Sitting here at 13:18 however, a dreary afternoon in Milwaukee, I can not believe that USA Hostels is closing their doors. Yesterday was their final day in operation. What is this world coming to! Am I mistaken to think that hosteling in the United States is a young, budding industry! Instead perhaps, is hosteling on the fall? Due to regulations and small business disadvantages? This is day number nine of the pandemic, day number four of self-quarantine, and I am feeling the pressure. My advice, if you are reading this in the future: keep a fatty emergency fund, because the modern world is full of extremes. Extreme up’s, and extreme down’s. Seriously! At 27 years of age, I am witness to the falling of a beautiful empire.

Let us all shed a tear for the closing of USA Hostels.

Spark Twain.

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Stone Creek 4

The time is 08:49, but more importantly the date is March 16th, 2020. At 17:00 today, Stone Creek Coffee will be closing all of it’s stores for two weeks, and they will be paying their employees! Now that’s ethical capitalism in action! Is that the standard now-a-days? Stone Creek is a ‘local’ chain, and none to large. Honestly, I believe the days of the ‘goliath chain’ are almost through. If you are in your 30’s or 40’s you will probably live to see a world of business diversification beyond your wildest dreams. Countries like the US have fairly strict regulations, and these regulations keep things safe. Places like Vietnam however, well they are a little less strict…no no no wait, that isn’t true, it’s not that they are less strict. Okay! First let’s talk about this. Let’s hope I don’t forget what I want to say lol.

Last night I met a beautiful woman that shared her name with a disney princess, and upon talking to her, learned that she is a teacher [I just learned that if you hold down Ctrl+Backspace, it will delete whole words. Can’t believe I never knew that. I did it on accident, obviously, but cool!]. The sheer number of teachers I meet in and around my hometown is crazy. Well…maybe I am just drawn to teachers. I think…I think literally everyone of my girlfriends has either been in school to be a teacher, or their parents were teachers. The time is 09:01, and The Sound Of Settling fills the air here at Stone Creek.

We are supposed to be practicing ‘social distancing.’ Are the people around you doing this? They are here! But it’s because every place is so dead. Honestly, it’s really just the old folks, and the people with kids that need to stay out of the public. Well, and then in addition everyone must do their due diligence to not come into contact with an old folk or a person with kids. That does sound quite difficult. I digress…

The teacher was showing a lot of leg, but that’s not the only reason I talked to her. She also had a lot of paperwork, and wore large headphones. The point is not that she was cute, [and the point is only partially about the fact that I talked to her. As I have grown, I have realized that this blog is a landmark for what confidence should appear as. Ethical confidence.] the point is she’s a teacher.

My educational experience from kindergarten through senior year of highshool was pretty great; have you ever heard me talk about it? I’m not saying I’m smarter than you…but you are reading my blog, so I am at the very least driven. This is, I believe, a result of my phenomenal education from the Menomonee Falls school district. As that school invests more money into their sports program, trying to produce a famous athlete, I am planning to show the world that Menomonee Falls is a good place to live if you want your kids to have one of the best education experiences available worldwide. There are many places [not only within the United States] that have educational systems which are up the mark, but I can only tell you about the one. Menomonee Falls is the shit, and this is because the Milwaukee metro area is the shit when it comes to producing teachers. UWM must have a good program! I am not saying that the Milwaukee school system, or MPS, is up to the mark, but I am saying spirit is there!

When it comes to the village of Menomonee Falls, these teachers get a chance to speak with kids that are paying attention; kids that have been taught why education is important. I was one of those kids. Have I ever told you that my 8th grade creative writing teacher passed me with a D-, even though I should have failed the class? He must have felt the vibes…


In Vietnam, there are laws. In Vietnam, just like in America, there are business regulations, and taxes levied, and redtape, redtape, red! tape! The key different between here and there is, however, money. From what I know, the number one way to communicate with police officers in Asia, is through the language of money. If you are a tourist, don’t be scared to make it rain on em [literally, give it a try for me]. The other difference, is education. The young people of Vietnam are significantly more educated than the older folks. Let’s get real, the young people can speak two languages! Vietnamese, and English. In the 1920’s French colonists forced the people of Vietnam to learn a Latin alphabet, but now it works out because they like America more than China anyway.

Let’s get to the juicy bits.

In Vietnam, I am unquestionably more educated than the average police officer. The knowledge my plain ole highschool in America armed me with is vast and kinetic.

The young people of Vietnam are also, much smarter than the average police officer of Vietnam. In America the separation of generations in not quite as intense [I thought only camping was intense bro?].

This same conclusive process can be applied to the business regulators and business owners of Vietnam. The young people are so much smarter and so much faster than their senior regulators, it makes the world of startups dangerously lubricated.

That all being said, we are going to see some goliath-sized companies pop up with origins in countries that have long been considered poor, and I predict that will signify we are in the middle of the last chapter on capitalism as we know it; the ‘capitalism is evil’ you hear everyone bitching about? Yeah, we are going to finally outgrow it. Shit’s been going on since like the 18’30’s, it’s ridiculous!

Ridiculously necessary…

Can you imagine a world where greed never consumed us? For the next two weeks+ I am going to be quarantining myself to my ma’s house. I assume your situation is kinna same same, but different. This will be a test of virtue for us all!

I am as greedy to spend my money as I am to make it, but for the next two weeks I am going to refrain from nickel-and-dimeing myself to death. The time is 09:44, and ‘I can tell we’re gonna be friends’ fills the air here Stone Creek. I am surprised to find it’s mostly old people coming in for coffee. Didn’t they get the memo? Do they want to die?

All of this and I didn’t even touch the biological warfare aspect I wanted to touch on this morning; it first came to me as a shower thought. Leave it to Trump to try every toy in the box…that’s all I have to say about that. ha.

Spark Twain

P.S. When I went to post this, I noticed I haven’t posted since February 26th [and the article was actually written on the 24th]. I didn’t realize it had been so long! Since February 26th I have written 30 articles similar to the one above, this one being number 30. When I tell you I write more than I post, this is what I mean lol. So much editing to do! I’d like to edit it in Paris; all the stuff I have left unedited up until this point. Anyway, Thanks You for reading! I will talk to you soon! Oh! And check out my new podcast
Spark Twain vs The World, available on Anchor, and most other listening services including Spotify. Double Thanks!

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Returned Emails

I feel good. The day is February 24th. Today, I opened a savings account! and I am not sure that I have ever had a savings account. But you know what? I am going to try and save my fucking money. I am just going to do it. A business, I will open, but as of late I have been thinking it would be in my best interests to do that with money I receive in the form of a loan. Tbh, I should have opened this account over a month ago. I blew crazy money while I was in Vegas. I should have saved that shit and put it to work for me. Today though? Everything changes! Today is the first day of the rest of my life! The time is 17:41 and I am writing to you from the McDonalds inside of the WalMart on Del Prado Blvd in Cape Coral, Florida. OoOoOo this cheeseburger is pretty mediocre, but you know what? McDonald’s feeds the masses, because somebody’s got to! Actually, it’s nobody’s job to feed the masses, and McDonald’s only does it because there is money in it, but I see nothing wrong with that. Now, as we move into the future, McDonald’s will have an obligation to uphold, to humanity, since they have integrated themselves so deeply into our…infrastructure.

OMGOMGOMGOMG The person from TMJ4 has emailed me back…I am hella nervous to open this email right now, and idek why! It doesn’t matter what’s in that email. No matter what is inside the email I am about to open, I am still going to tell the story of how I solved my alcoholism all across the nation. However, if TMJ4 wants to work with me, it will certainly accelerate the process. I can’t believe I received the return email while I am actively writing…okay…here goes nothing. Jeez. I had a dbl cubano at about 15:15, and it’s got my nerves on high. OKAY! Here we gooooo!

Okay…so here’s the deal: the person said they are going to confer with their “fellow Drive Sober team members” and then they will get back to me if they decide to do a story. Hmm. This is starting to feel like a No. Yo! I just sent an email saying I’m a drug addict! Don’t you realize I am the kind of person that needs closure lol. Either way, Umbrella by Rihanna and Jay Z is filling the air of this McDonalds…and that’s almost a damn reminder! Yall know I admire Jay Z; I quote him more than anybody. He found a very efficient way to tell the world what is on his mind. I can only hope that people find my content as easy to consume. That’s why I am expanding the mediums and methods with which I produce my content. I love talking; no reason to limit that to my blog!

Okay, the song is over. The nerves are still here. Honestly, the email I received feels better than if they simply said no, but, I don’t see why they would send me that email unless it was the equivalent of a no lol. I knew you would confer with her team members, and I actually assumed you would get back to me either way. Instead, you have told me you will keep me in the loop…but not really lol. Think they will ever read this blog post? My guess is…probably, actually. When you hear Spark Twain wrote about you, you are going to want to read that shit. However, they only have to do one Google search to learn that I write about licking buttholes and masturbating to women I’ve met one time, so…would you want your news station associated with that? Lol. Nah; prolly not.

Either way! I am going to take the written version of the story I sent TMJ4, and I am going to make my own highly-consumable video version of it. I have considered that I should acquisition the team behind Urban Misfit Ventures to help me with this process, but, I really am not sure that I need them. Or, actually, I am not sure I need them to help me make the video. Perhaps after I have this thing in video format, then I will move to pushing my story a hardaf. Can you imagine if I lost the rights to my own story? Lol. Not gonna happen. OKAY The time is 17:58, and my Dad is almost here, and we are going to do some shopping, and I will edit this another day. That’s peace out! From Walmart/McDonalds.

Spark Twain

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You can now support my work directly using Patreon or Venmo!
After writing for over three years, I have confidence my hardwork is showing through, and so I have no shame is giving my readers an option support my work. Thanks in advance!

Java House 3

Welcome to Java House Three. I never knew we would make it here, but dangnamit look at us now! The time is 08:34, and the day is February 22nd, 2020. This morning I discovered a pretty badass song titled ROXANNE, by Arizona Zervas, and I discovered it because I was looking for the song Roxanne, by The Police. I added them both to my latest playlist on Spotify, More Butt Than Ashtray’s. Can you tell how I feel? I don’t get more butt than ashtray’s, but I firmly believe that my skills as a writer will get me laid in the future. Lately, I’ve been thinking I finally record that hip-hop album I alwayss talk about. It’s quite obvious [to me] that taking to a stage with some music will be one of the fastest ways for me to spread the word about my blog. Whoa! This Triple Cubano is friggen serious business. Sugar. Caffeine. Twain…that means two.

One time I was talking to this girl on a bus in San Francisco…it was the 30 inbound, and I was coming from the Starbucks Reserve on Chestnut; I told her about my blog, wuwu, and if I recall correctly she was beginning to think I was an egotistical asshole lol. Many times when I tell people I write under the penname Spark Twain [“My name is Chris, but I am also Spark Twain;” or: “My name is Spark Twain, but you can call me Chris.” Those are my two opening lines] they same something like “Wow, you must think your a pretty good writer using a name like that. You must think you’re the next Mark Twain.” The time of which I speak on the bus, I was getting that attitude, and I looked that lady right in the eyes and said “I think I am going to be much more popular than Mark Twain. There are 250 million English speakers in India, and 750 million more that want to learn.” Her jaw literally dropped, and she didn’t laugh. I continued to hit on her until she got off the bus. She wasn’t having it. And, either way, she wasn’t the girl with the grey jacket and tan Lulu’s. That means she wasn’t my girl! I don’t remember either of their faces, but I do remember the later woman’s ankles.

Some dude came up while I was writing that last paragraph and pretended to give the coffee shop owner the boot as he was cleaning the windows lol. It was a little funny. These old folks around here are pretty funny. Except when they beep at people and call them assholes at seven in the morning, like I saw yesterday. Trust me when I tell you that you will get a full examination of the people in this area, because since my father moved here, I am going to be spending ample time here, I am pretty sure of that.

This morning I ate at a restaurant down the street called Oasis. Bad choice. I feel like shiiiit. I might feel like shit because my father and I also ate at this place called Ford’s Garage last night, and I went HAM eating a burger and ¾ of a plate of nachos. I just had a yawn! It’s 08:57 in the morning and I just had a yawn. Yuck. Anyway, that doesn’t really matter. I am young, and my body will reset itself. Recently I have been getting back into the drinking coffee thing, but when I arrived here, I did take a pretty good about of time off. Maybe seven days in a row? Maybe ten days in a row? Maybe it was only five; it’s hard to tell sometimes, how much time has passed. I do know that I am a little sweaty as of recent. It’s gross, but I deal with it.

How do you think my life would be if I came back down here in a month, got a med-card [I actually think I need to be here six months before I qualify], and started chillin and blowing the dodie? I don’t know if I would go the med shops, but at least I could smoke on my own property and feel 100% safe. Right now…I don’t. Even though it is obviously very chill around here. One of the big problems is that I have a hard time living with my father. He ain’t living right! His health is in obvious decline, and his mind is in the passenger seat. You know what this mf tells me last night? Over and over and over again I keep telling him the same basic things, such as “Just try doing five squats in the morning,” or “just take one lap around the block,” and he doesn’t. He tells me that he won’t change because that’s just how he is. He admits openly that he wants to better his health, but he just doesn’t like people telling him what to do. So I tell him “Look, you will eventually make these changes, I know this for a fact, because a doctor is going to tell you that you have to change your diet and start excising. Why not just believe me, and start making the changes today?” and you know what this mf says? This mf has the audacity to say “Yeah but when I hear it from a doctor I’ll feel like, idk, like it’s my job or something.”

That is just one reason I have been struggling down here. My sister plays a big part of the picture, because my father wayyyy to nice to her. You know how some people give their daughter special treatment? Case, and point. They both just want me to leave them alone. Okay! I’ll leave you fools alone, but since I wrote this, I have to post it. I waited weeks before I wrote this, but now? Well now I wrote it…and I can’t unwrite it. My sister wants to be a writer, but she doesn’t take any of my advice. Literally, the only time she has messaged me unwarranted is when she was telling me that she’s gay, and she wanted to know what my father would think about it. I was nice to her, of course, but years after the fact I am definitely thinking…where is she when I need her?

Just returned from a lil bathroom break, I have, and a girl just walked in with the infamous elephant pants. I am going to ask her if she got them from Thailand. I have long been under the impression that anyone wearing those pants has been to SE Asia, but perhaps…some of these people just purchased them around here. I have seen some people wearing those pants, and…I’m not so sure they have been to Thailand. It is kind of weird to ask people these things…but I am still going to do it lol. Here goes nothing!

Drumroll pleaseeeeeee! The answer is no, she did not get them in Thailand [or SE Asia], but she did purchase them for only $1 at a local thrift store. At least that is something I can approve of! If she told me she copped them for like $20 I would have given her one of those ‘can you smell what the rock is cooking’ faces. She also told me her friend went to Thailand and got similar pants, so, at least she knew of which I spoke. Somewhere in this area though…I get the feeling there is a store selling those pants for $20. Actually, now that I am thinking about it, I’m not sure one could cop those pants in Thailand for as cheap as she did. My memory is so poor, it’s practically non existent, but I believe that pants would be like 120-150 baht. Maybe you could cop them for the good 70 baht, but even then…that’s closer to $2.50.

How appropriate is it that I just write whatever I want on my blog? Instead of going and talking to this girl for a second time, I am thinking about just writing some dirty stuff on my blog lol. Would I be happier if I went and talked to her? Hmm. Let’s…find out! This will just be a break from my writing today; something unusual this is, for me. Certainly! The time is 09:37.

How do you think that went for me?

Actually it went pretty well, but I am still not going to tell you what her name is. She is a nice girl, and she likely shares some of my same interests. At the end I asked if I could follow her on Instagram, and she told me she just deactivated all her social media. She told me she wanted to be more present. I waited…for her to offer me a different method of communication to contact her…but she didn’t serve it up, and so we agreed maybe we would see each other at this coffee shop again someday.

It’s possible that women think I am a slut. In fact, I believe it must be the case, otherwise I cant figure out why no one is interested in me. I’m just a dirty twenty-seven year old man! And although I am embarrassed to say it, I haven’t had sex in about six months. Now, that doesn’t mean I am looking to settle down; by no means am I ready to settle down. I gotta wholeeeeee-lotta fucking to do still. But, I am a pretty nice guy. I like to spend a week with a girl before I break her heart. At the end of the day, either you’ll have slept with Spark Twain, or you’ll have not. People will continue to choose the later, I know this, but once I get my money straightened out, I am going to be even more of an asshole. I won’t be getting laid more because I became more of an asshole either; that’s just a guess. But I will be getting laid more. Also, by writing paragraphs like these, I am certainly trying to attract a certain type of woman. I have mommy issues, Baby, and I am not going to be turned off when you tell me you have slept with 150 men, or 1,500 men [I haven’t experienced a women like that yet, but I would definitely love to love someone like that, until I get bored].

You know what the girl with the big butt and elephant pants told me though? She told me that Big Sugar has been ruining the water quality of the beaches around here. What happens is, they drain all the waste from the sugar production into lake Okeechobee, and apparently the beaches in this area are ruined by the runoff from that waste. She told me that for most of the summer there are signs up saying not to swim in the water. If I told you that “sugar causes dementia,” would you believe me? That information is something I read on @future4200‘s Instagram story. I can’t recall if he said ‘alzheimers,’ or ‘dementia,’ but I don’t think it is worth messaging him and asking him. Dustin, if you ever read this, know that I am very vigilantly trying to do you name honor. I’ve been following you on ig for over two years now, and I really think you are a positive influence on humanity. Many, many of the things I write on this blog are things I learn for you, or things that are inspired by the information you have provided for us.

It all comes together quite nicely when I learn that Big Sugar is fucking up the beaches in SW Florida.

Spark Twain

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