The Saigoneer! 4/7/19-4/10/19

I am writing to you from L Cafe in Saigon. I believe there are two or three of these cafe’s right around here, and since I am unfamiliar with the streets I cannot tell you exactly where I am, but I can tell you it’s near the Bui Vien Walking Street. The last few days have been eventful! I have 20 pages of unedited writing, and what I really need to do is edit that writing, but I have so much to say! I haven’t written anything in two days, and I’ve been in Can Tho for that time. I brought my laptop, but I never found a good chance to pull it out.

I may have written in the previous article that Will departed from Saigon and went to England for a little bit before he heads out to Australia for his second year. Well before his departure, we met a man named Dani. He is from Israel, and also happens to be my same height and my same age. The day after Will left, Dani and I took the four hour bus ride to Can Tho. I was impressed with the city. The size of it; the character. Can Tho is 1409 km2 [kilometers squared]. Sai Gon is 2,061 km2.Hmm. How big to you think Da Nang is? I am just Googling this all on the spot. Da Nang is 1,285 km2. Oh shit though, Hanoi is 3,329 km2. She’s a phatty! So Sai Gon has twice the population of Hanoi, but the latter is the much larger city. I now see why Hanoi is popping off. Idk why I just went into a rant about the size of the four largest cities in Vietnam…but I did. It’s over.

Today marks the first day I have let all the ice in my Ca Phe Sua melt before consumption. Granted, this is my second Ca Phe of the day. I didn’t desire a second, but I bought one. I went to the store for a lighter [when Trevor left. You’ll meet Trevor] and I felt bad coming and going from the restaurant without making a second purchase. It’s nice up here! on the third floor at 09:38 in the morning. The sun was beating earlier, but it has withheld since. OMG THE MUSIC HERE IS KILLING ME! Trevor and I decided to try this cafe because the first place we went was out of ice [they deliver ice in those bags I see restaurant linens in. You know, the ones that are like, woven plastic? People be driving all over Vietnam in the hot sun with bags of melting ice on their scooters, it’s crazy.]. The ambience was chill for a while, but as I moved out of the sun I got even closer to the speaker, and now it’s just unbearable. It’s loud af. In America this would be considered loud af, but here it’s like…normal? The clubs here are so loud. The mornings are loud, but the nighttimes bring fulminant noise. I live on a street with, like, 50 clubs, and they all blast music at dangerous levels and it’s the most clusterfucked-cacophany my bloodline has had the blessing to witness; I am so sure about it. There is a club on my street called Miss Saigon, and the music at the club is the same exact level of ear-obliterating every night; the loudest sound ever heard by human ears, second of course to the 1883 eruption of Krakatoa. Sooooo when I tell you the music at this cafe is loud, know I am not judging in accordance to relativity, but I am considering taking my business to a different cafe in this relative area. I am going to lay out a very logical argument combating this noise on Google Maps, and I know someone will read it. I feel wrong giving business advice over Google Maps Reviews in other countries. I mean I don’t know the culture. I could be bitching about the loud music and all the locals love it! Then again, I haven’t seen any locals at this cafe all day. When I am in the USA I will openly disgrace you on Google Maps, so you better be running a tight ship. It’s pretty easy to be on my good side though.

I just picked hella boogers and flicked them onto the roof behind me. Air pollution really generates boogers. I noticed it first in India, but then it became a reoccurring thing. Dirty cities produce large amounts of dirty boogers, at least in my nose. I am halfway through my second coffee and my last cigarette. I am still smoking you guys, no good! I be smoking more than a pack a day out here, it’s crazy. What did I do with all my time for those two years of not smoking? lol. I will get back to it though. So I am sitting here at the cafe and I just don’t know what my next move is. I have five more full days in this city [including today, and it’s 10:04 now] and I should use my time wisely, right? I really need to edit my last post, and then eventually edit and post this one. I need to do it in the right order though. I have kind of been inspired to write a story too, so I should jump into that asap I think. So many things…too much coffee to focus lol. Plus the music…Okay. With that, I am going to leave you for now. Close up my computer, finish my coffee, play on my phone, and then probably return to my hostel. Oh shit yeah, lol, it flooded at my hostel this morning because the water canister [for water pressure] on the roof broke, and the water dripped down five stories to get the bottom floor wet. Luckily I didn’t have anything on the ground…but some people did. So I doubt I will be able to go on the roof there today, otherwise I would probably just chill up there and edit. Anyway. That’s all for now. Soon! Peace!

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I just took a bubble photo on the roof of my hostel. Yesterday when I returned to town with Dani around 15:00ish, I went to Flipside Hostel to see if they had rooms, only to have the lady inform me that they were fully booked. I had a backup plan for exactly that situation, and thus it went into action. I walked down the street, turned left, and walked to the end of the alley way to find Alley House, which [it turns out] is another great hostel in Saigon near the Bui Vien Walking Street. When you enter the main room there is the reception desk on your right, and nine beds to your left. The desk is very small, and the room is very small. There is a bathroom connected to the room, which has only a 3-D curtain as a door. So far no one has dropped an unbearable deuce. It’s a little awkward though, right? If the room is full, you’re taking a shit in a room full of nine people, and they are definitely going to hear every splash. If you’ve got the beer shits? Well, good luck to you. What’s the catch? It’s only 55k VND per night. That’s two dollars and fifty cents. A steal! I will only spend $15 more dollars on my hostel while I am here, and that’s just awesome! Frugality > Embarrassment endured  for defecating behind a paper door.

I’ve given up on making money! From now on…I let the money make me; allow it to mold me so that I am one with the money. Yin, and Yang; father, son, and the Holy Greenback. I met this guy Trevor, I talked briefly about him early, well I met him yesterday when Dani and I arrived back from Can Tho. Pretty cool dude, Trevor. We had some discussions about business, and the world. This morning we went for some Ca Phe Sua and I got to discuss with him even further. Inspiration can come from anywhere, and you shouldn’t be afraid to find inspiration in people you would otherwise view as equals. Men [and Women] are equal for different reasons, but they are unequal because of money. Trevor has a good plan for himself, and at an age where he is mentally ready to dive into the true business side of life, I am happy to have met him. Not to mention his dad has his back financially to help him fund his dreams. He is older than me, just by a little bit, and I hope to have my life as figured out as him by the time I am his age. A doable feat no doubt, but only with discipline and mental acuity.

I am excited to return to San Francisco and dive into some projects. Cheap, easy business endeavors is what I am going to dive into, but I am going to go rapid fire! Throw it all at the wall and see what sticks, that’s my plan. I wonder how Kalen is doing, I feel like I haven’t talked to him in over a week now. I wonder if @saigoneer is a handle being used on the internet already? I rather like it. If I was quicker and more diligent about things, I’d whip up a quick short story about The Saigoneer this week. Hmm…but you know where it starts? Here. Right now. I just close this useless clog of a document [lol], and I open a freshie so that I can craft the Saigoneer. Hmm. Sounds so easy, right?

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I never wrote the story, forsure. I opened up a document and named in “Saigoneer,” but after staring at the blank document and over thinking it, I gave up. Today and yesterday I have been sick. Stomach problems. Also, I am at this hostel that has hard foam pads for mattresses, and it’s intensely worse while I have been sick. If I had known I was going to be sick, I would have secured a better mattress. Alas, I am too feeble to move all my stuff across town. Plus this lady is going to let me pay by PayPal, and I got my Dad to slide a couple bucks in my PP acct which will pay for the room. At this point I am kind of thinking I am going to end up withdrawing money from an ATM again, which is just lame. I’ll be pulling up to SF with like $70 then lol. I could take less money out of the ATM here, but I gotta pay $8 for it anyway. I am going to have to close my bank account when I get back, the shit is a joke forreal. I’m bout to have $70 in my acct, and I pay $10 a month if I have under $2000. Yeah. I think I’m at the wrong bank. I will need to secure a job right away too. I think today will be the day I quit smoking. Being sick helps give me a head start, because I don’t feel like smoking while I am sick. I’m talking squares here. I feel tired and shit again. I will never succeed if I keep smoking cigs, and so I will cease from it.

I am actually writing to you from my hotel bed at Alley House in Saigon. I spent about a week staying on the walking street, which was cool and as an added bonus I am comfortable walking in and out of the Flipside hostel, just chillin on their roof and shit. The room I am in has nine beds, and the bathroom is literally behind a curtain. The time is 17:28, and the day is Monday the 8th. I am admittedly pretty nervous about going home on Friday. Either way, I am out of money, so it’s the right move for me, but damn! Sometimes I be thinking I should have buckled down and gotten a job here. Other times I really believe that going home and working and opening a business in the USA is the move for me. I have been giving major thoughts to blogging, and I have the desire to immerse myself in a project when I get back. Sometimes I think I should just start blogging about San Francisco. I can always keep writing if I move to a new city. Also thinking about revamping the heartofzeus website. That would be the move for me. I wish I could get my sister to blog with me or something. I need to be working with other artists, that’s my problem.

Right now I am waiting for it to get dark and then I am going to go visit the weed lady. I think I can wrestle a good deal out of her, and then reallllly that should be my last time linking up with her. I leave Friday at 05:00, and I can’t decide if I should get on the plane stoned or not, but knowing me I’ll probably fly high. If I have the option? Exactly. But then I’m going to be back in SF when I can barely afford to smoke lol. All will be determined by how quickly I can get a job. If I show up at 10:30 and get a job the same day, I’ll be in it to win it. If I wait a week? Honestly I don’t think waiting a week is an option for me. Like I said I’m gonna have like 70 bucks. If Casey doesn’t let me stay with him then I’ll really be fucked. Sometimes I think about talking to Jo, but so far I haven’t. You know it’s kind of weird; I’ve been gettin blazed out here a lot, and if that wasn’t the case, I might have succumb to my emotions already and begun talking to Jo. It’s hard for me to change things up and leave a relationship, I know this. But, things are how they are. When I see Jo on the street, I will more than likely go and talk to her. It’s nice having a partner. I hate being alone, but I also was under a lot of stress with Jo. The stress is different now. I am still worried about my career and my future, but I feel more secure in my freedom to fail. and if I understand that failure is possible, I am obviously going to avoid it. With Jo I felt like there was no way we could fail at something if we put out mind to it, but at the end of things I didn’t feel I was growing much, or that the relationship was benefiting me in the ways I needed. I wonder how Jo felt. It easy to fall in love, but it’s hard to predict the future, and those two things go hand in hand.

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I’m smoking too much. At this rate I will never make it to the end of the week. What happens if I run out of money? I don’t think I’m going to hit the atm again. The reality is that if I wanted to live cheap over here I totally could, but I have chosen not to. I spent $1800 in a 6 weeks. What the fuck you guys lol. That’s so extra. I have dreams and shit, about making investments and I was really hoping I could just chill out when I got back to SF, but no! Instead I spent all my money. I guess…$500 of that was spent on my plane ticket back, so really I’ve spent $1300 while I’ve been here, and even like $50 of that was spent on purchasing domain names. I am terrible with money, that is clear. I understand it very well, and then I also choose to spend it frivolously.

I leave Saigon so soon! It’s 07:15 on April 9th right now, and I leave 05:30 on April 12th. Coming upppp! Casey has off work on Friday, so that works out. I guess I will chill with him. I hope he’s not drinking and shit, that would be no good. Jo told me that I am better for Casey than Casey is for me, and I semi-believe that, except Casey seems to perform at the same level whether he is drunk or not. I am bothered by the difference since I spend so much time with him, but he could maintain a job while drinking for a long time I think. Maybe I should get a job at a thrift shop or something. Fuckk yeahh I should work in the Haight! That’s my damn move. Idk why, but it just hit me. All the jobs in the city pay the same, right? I want to do a job that doesn’t require my to cut my beard off, and honestly I’d like something that is just…kinna easy. I’ve spent my whole life working in restaurants, and I’ve never worked in retail, but shiidd I might give it a try in the Haight. I’d meet plenty of interesting people.

I am talking to my father about buying a house currently. He thinks Wisconsin Dells is the move. I think it’s Detroit. For the first time I think he is actually agreeing with me that there might be some money to make in Detroit. I noticed while doing some research that all the bad neighborhoods border the downtown. The city is going to blow up soon, and I think everyone knows that [I haven’t been there to confirm, but I believe the people I meet], so why wouldn’t it be true that the neighborhoods nearest the downtown would be worth the most? Well, I assume they have a lot of crime right now, but I think in 10 years that’s going to be a totally different case. I actually have to believe better than that, what I really want is for it to be different in 4 years, but that also means I could miss the jump on it. I just have to fucking go to Detroit! That’s the answer to all of these questions.

I was sitting and thinking on the roof of Alley House last night, and then I changed my IG name to Spark Twain. What do you think? I’m uhhh heavy weed smoking Mark Twain, lol.  I have actually, only read one of Twain’s works: The Prince and The Pauper. My Father tells me I should read A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, and so I own the book. I read the first chapter or two, but I think I was getting into more modern literature at the time. Perhaps I will turn it back again and read some Twain. All I know is, I like the name Spark Twain. but I like a lot of the things I make up lol.

So my Dad is moving out of his spot mid-July. I think he is going to go to Flordia. He is going to keep his Jeep. I’m telling him he shouldn’t move to Flordia because it will be impossible to save money there. I don’t really know if that is true, but it just feels so true. When I think of Flordia, I think of old ppl selling scripts. I have finished my Ca Phe Sua. Honestly I am thinking about smoking a damn cig! I told myself I was done yesterday. I didn’t smoke a square all day, and now I am sitting here and I am thinking about cigs. It’s not overpowering, it’s only slight, but I feel it. It’s more out of boredom, I would say. My body certainly says no, and I feel it that I won’t really enjoy a cig. but my brain wants it lol. Damn that brain.

I don’t know what to do. I’m tempted to have the cig because I have half a pack with me, but idk…lol. That’s obviously un-fucking-healthy. I will not feel as woke immediately afterwards, I already know it. I suppose the other option is to just smoke more weed, but I know it’s possible to have balance in this situation so I will not resort to that. My father and my sister and planning to move together, and I am telling them to fucking buy a place together! I feel like no one is taking this seriously except me. Granted, I am not saving money and I am instead out here traveling, but I am soon to return, and then I will prove that talk is not [always] cheap! As long as you pay yourself well for it. All the pieces are there for my father and sister to buy a place and have a little money saved up in a couple of years, but I just…don’t know if they’re going to pull the trigger on it. They could get a condo easy. My dad is such an asshole these days. I don’t know why, but he is totally different than when I was a kid. I feel like I’m really trying to help him out here, and he just belittles me. Sometimes I think about kicking his ass, but he’s really too much of a nice guy to swing on. I will sit back and let him do his thing. I just told him if they end up renting a place, I will never let him live it down. Eve I might let slide because she is still young, but my Dad is in a position where he could actually get a small piece of the action right now and I do not feel bad about holding him to that high bar. Sometimes I literally fucking hate my dad. He spent his entire life talking to me about money, and I grow to find he won’t even put his money where his mouth is. Other times I feel bad for him. I really don’t like anyone though. Everyone fails me, even me, at some point. I deal with it.

What I should do is spend my day editing all my writing. I just…can’t focus? Don’t have the patience. You know right now I kind of feel like I do have the patience. I also feel like I want to smoke a square. I still have the pack with me, and I know if I threw them away I would not be considering buying more, but since they are here I am thinking about smoking them. I can picture the otherside of the cig already. Less clarity. I am making up excuses in my head, like how I could smoke one and then write about the terrible process and how I feel on the other side. I know if I lit a square now and started smoking, I would finish the pack by the end of the day. I would be at risk of buying more forsure if I finished the pack before the end of the day. I am sitting here and it’s getting hot. I am losing my patience. I don’t know what to do today. Mostly I guess I’ve been smoking cigarettes lol. Ugh. I am so tempted to do it. I am weak! Ugh. My stomach hurts a little now. I wonder if smoking gives me a stomach ache. It’s possible. The sun is creeping. In a minute or so it will be on me. I think I’m going to fall victim and smoke…I feel so dumb about it. It’s like…I know I am not going to smoke in SF though. I took the day off and I felt good about it, and honestly if I was distracted I wouldn’t be thinking twice about smoking a cig. Ugh. Did you see me talk myself into that? Okay. I am going to light it up. Oh No! you’re probably thinking, and you would be correct. Omg I did it. You know I’ve quit smoking twice before in my life. When I was 19 I quit for 9 months, and then I smoked for a few more years until I was 25, and then I quit up until I arrived in Da Nang. I still haven’t inhaled. Thinking about putting it out lol. The sun is here. Holy shit you guys I put it out! I talked myself out of smoking. I sat and breathed the second hand smoke for a second, but I didn’t puff the bad boy. Hmm. I told myself “if I smoke this then I’m gonna end up smoking more tree probably, and if I run out of tree and I’m still smoking squares then I will certainly not quit with the squares, but if it’s the other way around I actually have a chance.” Okay. The sun is here. I could just move out of the sun…but I might leave the cafe and head… back to the hostel? I could easily run out of weed today too lol. No good! If I don’t buy anymore tree I will almost certainly make it to Friday without an ATM withdrawal. I need that. I’ve been off the rails, but now is the time to get back on track, and that’s exactly what I am doing.

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It’s the next day now. I’m smoking the second half of my last J on the top floor of L cafe. It’s fucking Wednesday! The 10th! That’s insane, because it means my trip ends in two days. I remember it all. Leaving SF. Flying to Milwaukee and seeing my Dad at the airport, and then spending a month in his basement. Good times. I remember flying to Qatar and then India. I spent a fucking month in Kolkata, that was a crazy time. A month in Thailand, a month in Laos, and six weeks in Vietnam. I’ve been stoned for almost everyday in Vietnam. In fact, this is supposed to be the last tree I smoke while in the country. I feel it would be advantageous of me to stop…I actually meant to finish this last night and wake up today with nothing, but it didn’t go down like that. So I will be done with this in several minutes, and by like 2 or 3 in the afternoon I’ll be Stone Cold, and then I have tomorrow to return to normality and then the following day at 05:00 I catch that plane.

I put it out. I feel…you know one thing about smoking weed all the time is that it’s kinna the same feeling. I mean, sure, you have different strains and shit that act differently, and you are affected by the outside world still.. However that effect from the outside world is so much lesser with the habitual smoker, that it’s practically monotonous. Sometimes I worry that I smoke too much weed. Other times I tell myself I shouldn’t worry. and after I’m done freaking out I always realize that weed isn’t technically healthy and if I want to enjoy it to the fullest potential I should be healthy in other aspects of my life. I don’t really enjoy drinking this Cap Phe Sua or eating this Croissant as much as I enjoy smoking weed, and in fact it’s not even close.

My friend Corey once told me that you can do something as simple as cut your hair and it has the potential to jumpstart the change you are looking for. I need a change when I return to SF. It will be different no matter what, because everyday is new, but I think I could easily slip in a big change right now and it would go quite smooth. My father is moving, I am up in the air about where I want to live. I love SF, but it’s impossible to own anything there so I’m thinking after 1 or 2 years I head back to the middle of the country, right? I am also at like 8 months not drinking, and having 4 of those months be a backpacking trip through SE Asia, I feel quite good about my sobriety. It’s hard to explain because I am so young and drank for such a short time, but when I went for it, I went for it, and so I had to kick that shit and I am glad I did. I dearly hoped it would lead to automatic success, alas… I have received freedom, yet as of: no success; I quest it. I am certain I am over thinking the current situation, because the fact is I will have to go back to SF and save some money, and that is just going to take time. If I choose to think and think and think while I am working, I will think myself to death! I need to just take my take saving some money, and then bust moves when I need? NO! As I was writing that sentence I realized it is wrong, because, I need to be multitasking! That’s what I AM missing and what I should plan to do. I always just do one thing at a time. Like, I haven’t even done my taxes yet [lol] what am I talking about with this “I need a plan” shit. Nah. I need some consistency, and good, healthy space to think in.

I have been messaging Kalen on IG, but I assume he is busy because he hasn’t been answering [turns out his new phone doesn’t have IG]. I wonder if he is happy in his position. He signed a year lease in the city, which is fine and dandy and all that, but I definitely could have lived with him so it is kinna lame in that aspect. Actually, I can’t bitch. I am 110% down for living with Casey, and in fact I think it will be better for both of us, but it’s a shame all three of us couldn’t be living together. We need to find a way to squeeze some money out of that city forreal.

Where is my focus on writing? You know, I’m always thinking about starting a new blog and shit, and do you know why? Because that shit would be easy, and I like easy. It is seeming though that’s not really what I want, and in fact maybe it’s the universes way of guiding me from a life I would not enjoy. If it ended up being a lot of popularity and not a lot of money as a blogger, I would be unhappy. I don’t really feel like starting a blog right now, or I think I would just start that second one, right? I foolishly bought some websites, and one of them I might still use, but I will try and sell some of them also, but I am not gonna be torn up that I spent some money on some websites. I recently wrote “I’m $35 into this project, there’s no turning back” or something like that, but I am now of the mindstate that I just need to do what I feel. To me, everyday is a Felix Felicis day, if you believe it is! and so if I feel like going to Hagrid’s houseI’m just gonna fuggin go to Hagrids.

Is Hagrids house in Detroit? Probably not. I’ve been giving that some thought too. I am pretty much planning to sign a lease…or jump on Casey’s lease, and stay in the city until I have 10k, right? I will probably get 1,200 a check, andso 600 for rent plus 200 a month for Jo cuz I owe her some money, and idfk how much for food, but anyway, if I get $2,400 a month I think I can save at least a thousand, maybe more. Kalen thinks he can save $1000 a month and my rent would be $350 cheaper than his. Hmm. If I could save $1350 a month I would probably try and pay Jo off fast, I think that would be the move. Get that outta the way. Shouldn’t take too long. Maybe I should go to whatever business is at the Asian Box location in the Marina and get them to let me live there. I need to find a place that will let me live at the office lol. Do that for two years, and now we’re talking.

The time is 08:06 here in Saigon and I just don’t know what to do with myself. I have done very close to nothing everyday that I have been in this country lol, I can’t even lie about it. Today though, I don’t know what to do. I was thinking after I am done here I could go to the park and read, maybe even finish my book, I’ve only got 66 pages left or something. Have you read Sapiens yet? You totally should, it’s a great book. I can’t wait to pick up the sequels. See. Boom! Right there. I need to read more. I could easily have time set aside every week that I read. You know I was studying programming a little bit in Laos when I was with Jo, and I haven’t opened that up once since I got to Vietnam. It’s like…whoa, that was kinna dumb lol. I could have done a ton in that programme this month! Learn new stuff, that’s what I need to do! and you know learning is kind of hard. I need to keep practiced so I don’t lose it. I definitely don’t feel like getting a job right now fam. I just feel like having money, that’s it. The job part I could give or take. I certainly don’t want to work with food, but I have a feeling that is what I am going to end up doing. I am looking at the Saigonciti Hotel while I am typing this and I am noticing how much better I have become at typing while not looking at the keyboard. I still make mistakes, but I am just so much better than I was a year ago it’s crazy. It’s actually kind of cool. So, anyway lol. I need to read more. I could be coding. I will have to work so I can save money and eventually not have to work. I will keep blogging…Oh! I could go to fxcking school still! I could apply for CCSF and see if I get accepted. Who knows. It could be the best this that ever happens to me. I haven’t been in a classroom in a long, long time. I don’t really know if I would enjoy it, but at least it would give me something to do that I would be locked into for a year or 6 months or something. Who am I kidding though, I don’t really think I am going to enroll in school. I think I am going to save a little bit of money, and then make a stupid risky investment with it, and after several tries I might come out on top lol. I get anxiety thinking about the money that I’ve lost, forreal. Damn. You know I have more money left than I thought I would. Yesterday I paid my lady and I had her give me cash back. I paid an extra dollar for that, but it’s worth it to me. So I have 760k, but I am toying with the idea of bringing a 500k VND note back with me just because it’s kind of cool. That’s like 20 bucks. Otherwise I could actually afford more tree, but I usually don’t see the lady until nighttime. Sometimes I see her on the streets during the day. If I saw her today I might scoop some. Idk. I want to stop smoking…party because I’ve got the plane ride and that’s like, a hella long day and a bad time to go 24h not smoking weed for the first time in a month lol. Honestly…I can see me not taking another break from weed for quite a long time. I need to ground myself in that aspect. I need to be healthier, read more, work more, and build more long lasting friendships before I am 30, all so I can balance out good daba in my life, because I have decided that is something I really want. I mean what did you expect?

Spark Twain

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