I write to you with passion in my veins, and hope in my heart. Southwest Florida is pretty damn cool yall, I can’t even lie about it. I’ve been going to this place called Kava Culture Kava Bar in downtown Fort Myers…and it’s so lit.
You know…I’m writing this to you out of, like, necessity basically. I have been telling myself that I am going to publish a blog post every single month this year, because I’ve been writing this blog for over three years, but I’ve never published every month of the year. This year? I’m putting a stop to that! What do I talk about though…Oh, and don’t get it twisted, I’ve done a significant amount of writing this month…I just…I guess I have more to talk about haha. Everytime I feel like writing I either have the choice to write…or to edit. Because I never feel like editing. If I don’t edit and publish things immediately, then they get lost to time – forreal.
I’m all crossed up! I want to write about the no-mask situation down here, because it’s very real, and I think it’s worth having a conversation about, you know? But I also want to talk about this girl that I, apparently, have a huge crush on [if you read this blog, you know I will always choose to write about the girl haha]. At first I just acknowledged the fact that she was an attractive human, not unlike myself. But after weeks and weeks of seeing her beautiful face, I have come to the conclusion that she is as interested in me as I am in her. This is something I only feel, and even in writing it, I don’t have 100% confidence in those words. I’m just basing my feelings off past experiences. Almost 100% of the time when I feel this way, I eventually find out that the other person had always felt the same way. Waiting to long is a real pitfall of love, yall, don’t fall into that shit!
So, as I was saying – this is something I haven’t logically concluded on in full yet, but I am trying to get better at understanding emotions; both mine and other peoples. In the presence of a beautiful women that I am interested in, I am rendered totally useless. I think I’m just going to have to walk up to this girl and kiss her! Except…I’ve never done that to anyone in my whole entire life. What if I live my whole life without doing that? Oh fuck…that can’t happen. I feel like I’ve written that same thing in the past…
My anxiety is going through the roof just thinking about it, and it’s awful. This is one of the reasons I am attracted to a career that has me in the limelight, because then people will come and talk to me, which is something that I really do actually kinna need. The last thing I want is to have kids with some girl who is also as shy as I am, and then we have some shy-ass kids that have as much trouble with social anxiety as I do. If you read this blog, then you know I never sleep with a girl whose babies I wouldn’t be happy to have. Just incase, you know? It’s working for me. I don’t get to experience that many people, but the ones I do experience – I experience in full.
The time is 12:42 and it’s Halloween 2020! I am writing to you from my Dad’s garage in Cape Coral.
Is it weird that money is definitely a contributing factor to the fact that I am having trouble talking to women. Less-so that I am worried about my status, and more-so that I literally can’t go anywhere because I don’t have a car, license, or even any money to throw people for gas. If I has some weed I could probably trade that for rides, but I haven’t even been buying weed! That’s how broke I am haha. I am working hard to avoid the “misery loves company” mindstate, but this is my blog, and I write whatever the fuck I want on here. And right now, I’m in my feelings about succeeding.
I know that it’s coming…I just hope that I’m alive for it.
x. Spark Twain