june 18th 2021 mtcr to ihatov

June 18th 2021 ABQ

How am I supposed to keep up with all that I do? I wrote a huge amount earlier…yo, that thing is happening where I do a bunch of writing but then I never edit or post any of it. Seriously! I’m a little worried haha. I’ve got at least 10-20 pages of writing I haven’t edited or published since I’ve arrived in Albuquerque.

The time is 01:36 in the morning and I am writing to you from my house. When left to my own devices, I can end up sleeping at some very strange hours. I’ve been stuck in phone zone for like 2 hours, tbh. Everyone plays with their phone, yeah? But I really get sucked in at night. I think most people spend more time on their phone then me. I’m more of a computer guy. But in the middle of the night? Stfu.

I listening to Bonus Track by Mac Drizzle.

I just made some kratom. I drink hella insane amount of kratom these days. For Spark Twain, this is nothing new.

Moments ago, I felt upon the precipice of delivering something amazing, but now that I am in my bed, I feel like laying down. Should I take to the desk? My computer is really hot. That is one of the problems. Now I am sat back ~ back straight up against the wall, and my computer is on my lap, but like I said it’s hot asf.

All I can think about, honestly, is the girl who works at the weed store down the street from me. She has expressed clear interest in me, and in fact, she’s probably reading this. This is the second thing I’ve written about you…at least. I’m really attracted to you haha, but I have an egregiously difficult time talking to women I’m attracted to.

Also, okay I guess I’m talking to this girl now…I don’t remember your name, and I’m sorry I freeze up when you talk to me. Eventually I will bridge this gap.

You know what? I’m going to go back to sleep for an hour or two before I wake up and go down to the coffeeshop. I’m going to publish a lot of writing today. I’m going to postpone the idea of opening a kava bar, because I need to organize my personal brand a little bit. Lots to be done. Including post this!

The time is 07:57 in the morning and I am writing to you from my house. The door is open, and I am eating oats. Perhaps I should immediately make some more oats, least I forget and end up with nothing to eat in the morning again. I’m really on top of my planning haha, but my execution is meh.

What I need is a partner. This is what I have realized. Obviously I pray to God I meet a girl who I fall in love with and we end up traveling the United States selling kava out of a van under the name kavabus.com [which I already own, you’ll see it points back here]. But for a while I thought I might end up kicking it and doing business with this dude Dylan. We linked up downtown and he was the one who let me set up at his table and sell kr8m shots. But he never calls me back, and I can tell he’s very busy. He’s got two kids and a wife. I’ve got…a dollar and a dream haha.

I spend too much of my life living in a comfort zone. That’s my goal for my 30’s. Do stuff that scares the shit out of me. Not like skydiving, but like…well, maybe I’m talking about hardwork. I’m kind of scared of hardwork haha. But this? This is not hardwork, which is why I do it so fluidly and it’s obviously a direct extension of myself Typically, I’d say, what people do for their job is not a direct extension of themselves. Fake waitresses and cashiers. I’m always been real. When you get into the upper echelons of labor you will see more direct extensions of selfhood, and I will say that the world is changing, and people, at least in the United States, are able to more easily find work they enjoy, but usually this is found with a higher-level education.

It’s possible that the rest of the world will skip over their period of shit labor meets wages…but it’s also possible the rest of the world is just entering that stage. When you got to a Starbucks in India and you’re Spark Twain, they treat you like a fragile piece of glass, and it feels like they are working to avoid getting in trouble. This makes me believe that that attitude is going to be on the rise. There are a lot of countries where money is hard to come by, and so working at Starbucks is, I think, forreal a blessing for some folks.

Omg I feel like fucking superman after eating that oatmeal. I go too many days without breakfast! I’m a fucking mess haha. This is another reason that I want a business partner, because I am not optimal by myself. That being said, I’m still stable and efficient, and moving all around the world by myself. Honestly, there are really only two things I’m working to better right now, because I inadvertently have come across everything else.

  1. I need to learn how to talk to women better, because I’m shy and it’s ruining my experience here on Earth
  2. I must develop a career path. I have very little, but people tell me I am capable of a lot.

Yeah. That’s it. But those same factors have been driving me from the beginning! Well, maybe that’s not true. When I originally left Wisconsin I left in part because I wanted to fight getting sober in a new environment.

Last night I learned about Dorothy Richardson for the first time. She is a deceased British author and journalist, and she’s most well known for her work Pilgrimage, of which there are 13 books, but she just calls them chapters. SOUNDS LIKE A STREAM OF CONSCIOUSSNESS WRITER TO ME!

That being said, I am going to smoke a bowl and then go to the coffee shop. Even though I don’t totally need too. I feel fucking amazing after eating those oats. Forreal.

Hmm. But before I leave; what’s my plan?

What I first arrived in NM I was thinking to work with the recovery place, but after the team let me chill within the environment for a couple of weeks, I realized that I had no idea what I could bring to the table. Hmm, and that’s probably a symptom of something bigger. I bounce from idea to idea and plan to plan all the time, so much so, that I know it isn’t healthy.

Then I sold some shots of kr8m and made a quick buck. Then I started getting on about this idea of opening a kava bar. Then I back-pedaled that because I realized that it’s going to take more money than I thought, and I guess I am a little intimidated about asking for money.

Now! I’m back on my YouTube thing. I have so many thoughts. I’m pretty sure I wrote a whole ramble about it…I would like to post all off these recent pieces of writing today. But, anyway, I’m thinking that YouTube is probably what I should be doing. It’s working! My channel has 36,000 views! And the comments on by backpack review video are off the fucking charts! People love my ability to review, and you know what? There’s money in it, and I want to do it. I had everything last year to make YouTube popoff for me…and I’m not really sure what happened. Tbh I spent a lot of time blaming my environment. I try to love my father and speak only good of him, but idk…is it possible that moving into his house was what fucked me up? That house is full of glue. But you know what? When I came out here to NM, it didn’t change much. I love love love living on my own ~ don’t get me wrong ~ but I have a lot to learn about selfcare. Still, everything is relative. I’ve been compared to Buddha and Jesus at least 500 times in my life, because of my wandering and rambling nature. My selfcare is supposed to inspired generates upon generation of young and old humans and beyond to…what?

Exactly!

I’m going to walk to the coffee shop now. The time is 08:25 on June 18th 2021.

The time is 09:02 and I am writing to you from Michael Thomas Coffee Roasters in Nob Hill.

Nob Hill…that’s at the top of California, right? Haha. I might seriously be getting that wrong, but I don’t think so. I know the guy who lives in the fancy French building up there. He halfway invited me to his house once. Well, kind of. I think I recently wrote about going outside of my comfort zone? Haha, and so in the situation with the dude who lives at the top of the hill, I’m pretty sure I could have pushed and gotten the tour. But I felt a little misplaced about it. What is it that I feel? I feel something, but I can’t exactly put my finger on it.

Yo. This stuff from Super Speciosa is some of good stuff. I consumed quite a bit of it this morning. Perhaps too much. I was feeling on top of the world before, and now I feel…like I’ve left the world behind haha.

I’m the King of being indecisive! I saw this thing the other day that Valeria posted about manifesting. You’re supposed to say an affirmation ~ the thing you want to achieve ~ out loud to yourself 3 times a day, 6 times in a row, for 9 days. And then bam, your parents will finally buy you that pony.

I am the kind of person people want to work with, so much so that they would pay extra for it.

That’s what I have been saying to myself. It’s not something I’m exactly proud of, but it’s what came out. I just freestyled it, and I’ve been saying It 6 times in a row…maybe 3 times per day, and I’ve been doing it for two days. But I might change my affirmation. What should I make it?

Someone here is on the phone in the lobby l o u d l y talking to someone about….hmmm maybe they’re not on the phone. I have no idea what these people are on about, but they…just walked by. Godspeed to them. Probably nice folks. Loud, nice folks.

My tarot cards say I’m supposed to by myself. My horoscope says I’m supposed to…proceed with caution? Doesn’t it always say that. I don’t exactly remember what they lady said. I listen to the one on Spotify, probably everyday, because it’s only like 3 minutes long so it doesn’t take much. But I don’t get much from it. It feels useless, actually. I wish one of my beautiful friends in Florida would start doing horoscopes and putting them on Spotify.

Too much kr8! I’m on nod mode haha. Almost. I’m going to drink this coffee. I really want to buy a scone, but, really I like Ihatov better because it’s got an amazing selection of bread-based items. Why tf have I not made review videos for these places and put them on YT yet? I really need to hop on it. I’m beyond trying to take it seriously ~ I am taking it seriously! I’m just fucking lazy haha. I hate to admit it, but it’s true. Last year I had the money to hire a video editor…but I didn’t. It’s because I didn’t have an income, so once the money was spent, it was spent. And I ended up spending it on screen printing equipment, because I believe myself to understand the art of in-person interaction better than online. But you know, since I made all those business mistakes in 2020, I’ve come to believe myself to be quite savvy at online business. Well, at least a portion of it. I am a kick-ass copywriter, and I’d love to get some jobs doing that. If you would like to be my manager for a 14% commission, well…find me copywriting work haha.

Copywriting

YouTube Videos

Stream of Consciousness Writing

Opening a Kava Bar

All the other fucking things I’ve done. Selling tyedye shirts. I doo too moo.

Oh, and make rap music. And write a blog about ASMR. And own 50+ websites! Haha. I’m a better teacher than executioner. It’s a hot item right now to make an online class and sell it. I could teach a class. Make videos and what not. But I’m not going to do that. That’s a project which I will undertake, if ever, after I start working with some people. On the immediate…I’ve been working on that kava bar idea, but tbh I’m kind of letting off the gas on it. Idk why. It just seems so unrealistic to raise a quarter million in capital. Hmm, actually that’s not true. The problem I’ve run into is that the plan is difficult to complete. I’m just that I’m not organized! Haha. Even right now, when I’m thinking about the plan, I get a little scatterbrained. This doesn’t necessarily mean anything, I mean, I might talk myself back into the idea.

Getting funded isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. And if I think myself to be a good copywriter, shouldn’t I be able to sell the idea of a kava bar? I’m not really sure who I should be reaching out to though. And then if I actually get what I seek ~ and for once, I do know exactly what I want ~ if I get it, how will I feel? No more chillin out and writing and drinking coffee in the morning. I’d be at that kava bar all the damn time! At least for the first 6 months, but probably for the first 2 years. After 2 years I would probably be able to take vacations for 2 weeks at a time, maybe longer. After 5 years…we could have multiple locations.

Chuck says that after one’s health, ballin outta control is the number 1 priority in life. I’ve hardly balled out, but I think that he’s right. Kava bar feels logical. Hell! Chuck told me I almost sold him on the idea!

Damn. Now the coffee is kicking in. Vision is 20/42 [that actually isn’t very good haha]. Where do I want to be in 2042? I want to have sold a million books and be driving 10k visitors per month to this website. Oh damn. Who am I kidding! That’s 20+ years down the road! I want way more than that. By 2042, I want to have sold 100 million books, and be driving 1 million visits per month to this blog, and 250k visits per month to my ASMR blog. And that’s a conservative estimate.

I used to want to turn asmr.community into The Number 1 platform for ASMR in the world! And I obviously still understand the possibility behind that. I feel like VC’s would be more interested in that idea than the idea of a kava bar, because the ASMR is positioned to make way more money, but! I just don’t have the confidence to move forward with that right now.

I have my podcast. Omg I do so many things. I’m trying to take account of it all. Summer 2021. I’m turning 29 in less than a week, and I want the last year of my 20’s to go well. It’s poised to be a shitshow, tbh. I am lucky to be able to pay my rent this month, which is only possible because someone paid an overdue bill which I honestly thought was never going to get paid. If that hadn’t happened, I’d probably have applied to work at Walmart of something. Or I would have taken off in the middle of the night and fled from my landlord haha. There is a hostel up in Tahoe I found that is hiring, and I thought about just going there. Spending $300 to ship my stuff and buy a buss ticket or whatever, and then starting things off at this hostel in Tahoe with a couple hundred dollars and a fucking dream! But…well, it’s not too late for that, but I don’t want to live my life like that, really. I’m meeting a lot of really amazing people out here in ABQ. Who knows, maybe I’ll settle in here! Idk why I like it so much, but, I do. The people here are beautiful, and somewhere out in the city of Albuquerque is a girl with a big butt who I’m going to fall in love with. There might actually be 10 of those, I’m not sure. I wrote, while I was in Florida, that I wanted to love more than woman at once. Then I demonstrated what I wrote. I still have love for everybody. I want to keep loving you all! Buy that’s not how it works. I’m truly a monogamous individual. When I find someone I attach to, I really fucking attach, it’s definitely not healthy. But I’m still looking for a girl who lets me do it. I’ll end things quick if people push back from my clingy-ness. It’s not so bad. I promise lol. Am I done writing yet? Haha.

The time is 09:37, and I’ve been sat in the same spot here at MTCR. I’m thinking about walking over to Ihatov and buying some bread. Boy oh boy ~ I love bread. I think I’m going to do it. But then, will I end up working on their patio? It’s so sunny there. Maybe I’ll go back home. Fuck! But I wanted to edit and publish some YT videos today, as well as publish some blog posts, including this one! Should I just publish it unedited? That’s been a thing I’ve been doing recently so that I can keep up with all my work. Ugh. That’s another thing I could have afforded last year ~ an editor! I could have just kept writing and writing and fed all my stuff to an editor. But I didn’t. I don’t think I should write it off though. I think that in my 30’s, I should still do all of these things.

The time is 09:45 and @cipher_eth messaged me back on IG, and I told them I was interested in learning more, and now we are going to hop on a quick phone/video call via IG. There is a $220 prize for the best rapper on Sunday…Imma come thru and claim that shit, forsure. And then I’m definitely going to be able to pay the rent! Haha. If I could come thru and claim a prize like that every week? I’d be pleased about that, forsure. I’ve been rapped 20k hours. I have great confidence in myself. I’m always good. Sometimes I’m legendary. I’m waiting…

Did I really just leave without writing that I was leaving? I’m trippin haha. I definitely thought I had opened my computer back up and kept writing from MTCR, but apparently I left directly after the video call ended. Now I am writing to you from Ihatov. I purchased a buttermilk biscuit, and got served by this girl. I don’t really know what she looks like because I’ve only ever seen her with a mask on, but she’s tall, and she passes the butt check. I hadn’t really looked at her butt until today, I just kind of assumed the worst haha. But It’s a nice butt.

I should have asked them to warm this biscuit up today. It’s not as good as when they first open, that’s forsure. But I’ve bitten into it, and it’s pandemic season [forever], so I’m not going to ask them to warm it.

This place is hiring. I’d love to work here, just so I can get to know that girl haha ~ these girls ~ everyone who works at Ihatov is particularly good looking. It’s whack haha. Good whack. This biscuit has a lot of oil. I’m tempted to dunk it into my coffee, but I don’t think that would solve the problem. I will likely still eat the whole thing, but yall know how I like to throw food away when I’m dissatisfied with it. This is almost worth tossing, but I’m pretty sure I’m just used to having these things when they first open, and in fact, I bet a lot of people enjoy these dry, crushed bulbs of oil butter and bread. I’m sorry. I’m definitely talking shit right now haha, but I’m not trying to! I love this place, I really do, and I will continue to come here. Next time I will just ask them to warm my bread up a little bit. They must have a microwave or something.

If I would have stayed at MTCR I would have saved $5. And I really shouldn’t be spending money anyway. This blog post is over 3500 words at this point, I guess its time I stop writing and move onto what’s next. I should…oh gosh! I need to do a lot. I want to talk to you about the video call I have with one of the people from the @cipher_eth team. We talked for like 45 minutes, I think. I’m going to start showing up on Sundays and rapping my ass off. If I like their platform, I’m going to keep promoting it. Who knows, maybe these cipher people can help me drive some serious traffic to my blogs.

OKAY! I’m going to…edit my reaction video now. Peace!

The time is now 12:32 and I am writing to you from my house. All I can think about are girls. It’s painful. I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself right now, so it’s hard for me to be forward in talking to women. I mean, I’m definitely not satisfied with where I’m at in my life, and as much as I want to spend my time loving someone, I haven’t had it demonstrated to me that that is going to help me achieve the success and happiness I really need to find. My video is converting and exporting right now. I’m going to upload it to YT, and so while it’s doing it’s thing, I was wondering what I should be doing. I shouldn’t be writing this blog…I don’t think. Somehow, I need to be busting more money moves. I can do something today that can help me start to get paid. I’m talking about creating videos or blog posts and putting them on the internet and then driving affiliate sales or direct donations through the chosen medium. Right now I’m focusing on YT, as I said, because I’ve already had a little bit of success there. Should I go out and start filming reviews of all the places in Nob Hill right now? That is absolutely what I need to do, and I’m super sure of it. And then in the description of each video, I need to put a plethora of links and ways for people to support me, and I need to put a way for people to contact me so they can work with me. My goal is to have a hostel or hotel from New York reach out to me, and offer to pay for a 3 day 2 night stay with roundtrip airfare and $250 spending cash. If it’s not a hostel that reaches out to me, I will seek out a hostel and review it myself. I’ve always been moving from city to city observing things. Once I get in a flow…I can do it every month. Okay! That’s it. Boom. I just laid out a plan, one that I’ve known would work for years, haha, and I’ve adapted it to my specific area. Once again, I’m living in an up-and-coming area. Crazy!

So what’s my move? I’m going to make 5 to 15 minute videos for all the businesses in the local area. I could email them with a link to my backpack video and let them know I want to come around and review the places, and that I’d like a free meal, or drink, or tour, or whatever, but…it seems easier to me to just do it on my own. I need to build out the tip-page on my blog here, or maybe on my chrisbuckley.xyz website…and I need to drive donations. If I can get above 100,000 views per months ~ in total on all my videos ~ I should, I believe, be able to drive over $1000 per month in donations. That’s 1% of people donating $1. And what am I going to do with that money? Be happy and continue to review things! I’ve been loving yall for years! Now I’m going to make it easy for yall to show me some love! Although, I’ve said that before and apparently failed haha. Nevertheless! Winners never quit, and quitters never win. Me? All I do is win!

Love Ya, Baby!

x. Sparky