Fuck Your Couch

The time is 07:14 and I am writing to you from Humble Coffee in Downtown Albuqueruque. I wonder how many coffee shops I have written to you from over these years…and how many more I will visit! I’m most excited for the coffee shops in Paris. That’s like…the cliché writer thing to do ~ go to Paris and write in a coffee shop. But ~ ha ~ now I changed the game. The new cool thing is to write from Factory 43 in Da Nang.

Last night was another one for the books! I participated in the Cipher Media’s Ether Rap or Don’t Sundays. Last week, I took the cake with that shit! I won the 0.1 ETH prize, and honestly that shit was really motivating. I manage to make my life fucking incredible without being wealthy, but as of recent I’ve been focusing on my wealth, and now the universe has given to me a seemingly endless opportunity to do what I love and what I am exceptional at. Mhm. I’m excited for the future ~ like always! ~ but you know what I mean!

What did I write yesterday? Something like….Believe, Manifest, Repeat. That’s not it. I didn’t say believe. I wrote something else. I am not going to go back and look.

ANYWHO! The time is now 07:20, and I’m going to make this a quick one today…I think. Omg. The biggest thing that’s happening in my life right now is the immense amount of pain I am experiencing in my neck. I know that it’s from my new job. I’m not really sure what to do. I mean…I am sure what to do. Idk. It’s crazy how life can beat you down haha. Sometimes, I feel like everything I do is useless and that I should just it over with 20 minutes ago. I’m really trying not to be negative on myself though. In fact, that will be the last I write of my macabre thought for…some time.  

Rhiannon Giddens Up Above My Head fills the air right now. A beautiful song, honestly. I’d never heard it before just now.

Perhaps my biggest problem is that I have an identiy crisis. Who the fuck is Spark Twain? And I’m not sure that even I can answer that question. But, perhaps, I am not supposed to be the one to answer that question. Did I write this same thing earlier this week? I’m having Déjà vu. Okay. I’m going to go order espresso now, and then….and then I’m going to make a plan to start doing my mobile kava bar. I’m the whole fuckign deal. I’m going to sell the kava, provide the entertainment, and eventually how the venue. But for right now, I’m going to setup at other venues. I’m not sure how I’m going to pull this off, but, I intend to pull it off.

OMG THE INTERNET ISN’T WORKING. 505 Needs to get their shit together. Honestly, I’d like to just leave without ordering anything and never come back. Fuck you and your whole business model if your internet goes down for even half a second. This shit just ain’t working, period! And I’ve been here for 20 minutes! I’m going to leave, seriously.

I haven’t left yet, but the internet still isn’t working and I haven’t ordered anything. I’m having a bad day. Yo. I’m having a terrible day. I’m trying to manifest positivity, but right now I’m filled with negative thoughts about death and shit like that. I’m very angry. I hate that I’m back washing dishes! Haha. And It literally causes pains to my body the likes of which rival a 60 year old man. How did I end up here? But if I blew my brains out, I bet people would finally read my blog. I’m not going to do that, but I do realize that it’s an option. I try not to think about it at all, but sometimes the thoughts creep in. Today it’s just terrible. I feel like I’m stuck, and I feel like no matter what I do I won’t succeed. So then what am I supposed to do? For me, giving up is death. Even moving to Venice Beach and living outside isn’t giving up. And so how do I want to keep pursuing my dreams? I have to be real with myself that I can’t do the job I’ve signed up to do. I can like, check people out at the dollar store or something, but I can not work a fry station. My should man…my fucking shoulder.

So now I’m not sure what to do about that. I’m literally working 5 days per week. And I’m going to get am measly ass paycheck haha. The whole restaurant industry in America is about to change. Forreal. I saw this video the other day where Graham was explaining why 40% millennials are about to quit their job. There is a massive shift happening. Some restaurants will survive, but especially the sustainable and the vegan ones. I’m still not feeling that much better. I’m not sure what to do. Part of me wants to go get some equipment for my kava stuff…but it’s a huge investment haha. I don’t really have the money to invest right now, honestly. I’m outtie! I’ve been broke, actually. So I’m not sure what to do. I see how people get stuck. I mean, I’d rather be a homeless person that sacrifice my body to cook fries, and I guess I don’t know why I didn’t see that before. That being said, I don’t want to be a homeless person either. Idk. I guess I just gotta send some emails. I’m going to do this on my own, and at the end I still won’t have any close friends. I just don’t feel good today. I have no idea what I am supposed to do. Somehow, I still think this is everybody else’s fault but mine haha. I mostly blame capitalism.

x. Spark Twain