superlative secret society

Does every post really need a unique name? 121921

There was a period in my life where I did actually write blog posts every morning, but it wasn’t even for this blog? Like, wtf. Nobody is going to read that other shit, until they are quite bored of this haha. If I help anyone, I think that will have been almost completely by accident.

It’s unfortunate to say, but I still don’t feel like I was ‘meant to do’ all the things I have done recently. The ASMR blog. The T-shirts. The hip-hop NFT. The airdrop.

Was any of that actually me? Am I in there somewhere?

I had just gone to the bathroom before I started writing this, and upon my return, the first thing  thought about was smoking a bowl. I smoke hella weed these days ~ yet I have not smoked flower in weeks. Dabs, baby; issa life. It’s more cost effective, and tbh I like dabbing more. Except, now that I’ve been doing it for weeks I’m d y i n g to smoke some flower again.

Too bad I fucked up haha.

Three Mories. I’m hanging on by a fuckin’ thread with three Mories! Not a good place to be.

What is there to learn from the biggest mistake I ever plundered?

Tbh, the lesson is something I already learned years ago. I hate to be a pessimist, but I almost feel like it’s not a preventable problem. Wouldn’t it be fucking insane if I spent me entire life on the pursuit of money and never found shit? I would die. Literally.

That being said, sometimes it does not feel like I’m on the right track; like I am being true to my heart.

My last article was true to my heart haha. That shit is so childish. Almost everytime I publish an article like that, I regret it, yet I still keep doing it. And I won’t stop, I will simply evolve. I’d like to actually be writing about sex instead of masturbation.

Yet, I usually let fear drive me when I write those things. I can’t in good conscious write about a girl I spend everyday with. But somebody I meet and greet once?

In my head I want to have sex with a lot of people. That’s just how my fantasies choose to manifest ~ sporadically. In my heart though, I know that I seek companionship. I’ve had a couple of partners that I traveled with and did everything with…but I always was the person to break up with them. I think this is because I choose the easy route. I choose people that I am attracted to, rather than people who drive me insane. Which is what I need. I need someone that drives me insane [good insane, duh].

Of course, I never have sex with a girl whose kids I wouldn’t be okay to have. Who wouldn’t want to keep my kid? So I prepare for that because I definitely don’t think I’d be able to pull the trigger on abortion. My ex gf had an abortion before I dated her. Shit was intense. I was 17 at the time, and she was 20, I think.

Hmm. I just took a long break to de-rez one of my dabs rigs. Prolly gonna smoke up. Even though I can tell I’m going way heavy on the smoking recently. I’m still the same Spark I’ve always been.

All over the fucking place,
with a couple genius ideas to roll with
and hella ppl waiting on my to come up.

If we’re all so lucky, I’ll catch you tomorrow.

x. Spark Twain