Am I Going To Regret My Lack Of Writing?

Literally everyday is something new with me, it’s kind of crazy. I’ve learned so much about myself and the world around me over the last 6 years I’ve been writing this blog. It’ll be 6 years in May, so we’re still a while a way. 

One thing tho, is that I never go back and read the blog. Almost like…idk, I tell myself I’m not interested, but tbh I think I’m a little scared at what I might find also. My emotions are not…normal, or even stable for that matter haha. Still, I am going to find my own lane and I am going to find success. That’s what really matters to me, is that I find what I’m looking for. First I had tolook for what I was supposed to find! Was that…confusing?

In August I was in Albuquerque working, September I was in ABQ chillin, October I am in Florida thinking I can trade $1000 into 50k with alt coins, November I get the ENS Airdrop and totally freeze up on buying NFTs, make 33% on my money in 1 week, flip into NFTs but still drop the ball and mint 18 Light Cult Crypto Club, not to mention I paid literally $1200 in gas to mint that project, and it’s still not sold out at the time of this writing! Insane haha.

Just diverged from writing for a while, and actually I totally forgot I was working on this. 

Sometimes I wonder if I should quit smoking weed for a little bit, like maybe that would be a catalyst to get things done. But tbh I always conclude that I’m all in my head with that, because there are other members of my family that don’t smoke weed all the time, and they aren’t millionaires or even what I would consider financially free, so…yeah idk. My problem is different. Perhaps viewing my life as “a problem” is part of it haha. I’m like…happy, right? But I look at all the people aroudn me, and I just can’t figure out how to fit in, and I’ve concluded that this is perhaps because I am MAJORLY indecisive. Like…instead of doing something, I do nothing, because I just freeze up. That’s kind of what has happened with NFTs and what is still happening. About two years ago I got to my fathers, and I told myself there was noway I was still going to be living there when I turn thirty…and I turn in 5 months now. Starting to wonder haha. 

What I should have done, is kept cash so I could have gone to Miami for the NFT event. Now ETH Denver is coming up, and tbbh I can’t go because I have an appt to get a license smack-dab in the middle of the festival, but also I’m broke, and thirdly I’m not feeling in a good place mentally. It’s very frustrating that I can’t figure out what to do, and then like I said, I end up doing nothing. I’ve been talking to people about making an NFT project for almost a year now, and I hardly remember my day-2-day feeling over the past year, but damn if they didn’t change A LOT! Last March I was talking to Sam about minting NFTs…somehow I dropped the ball on that, really, because he still makes hella art and I could be making 1% off every piece of art he sells, but I’m just…n o t. Not that it’s al about the money, but obviously it would have taken some work to make it happen. That’s one thing I never do, is that work, but it’s not because I’m lazy…it’s because I don’t know how! Wtf am I supposed to do haha. But it’s more general than you think. I couldn’t figure out how to participate in society prior to NFTs, and now it feels like I’m just as much standing on the outside of NFTs as I have most things in my life. Am I not working smart? I do spend A LOT of time on socials haha, but that’s actually allowed me to make a lil money with NFTs. 

It’s not over. I might really make a million dollars this year. But…like, the goal is different. I want to build something, and wake up everyday with a fucking reason to live! I’m very lost, and…yo, it’s weak. However, let it also be known, that there are a lot of changes I consider making but then I don’t because they are difficult. These are things like meditating more, and jogging, really. I still get out and walk a lot, and I do spend time in my head, in a healthy way. Sometimes with ASMR, sometimes just talking outloud to myself. I’m talk outloud to myself for like 20-30 minutes in a row and come to huge conclusions. It’s how I was able to complete the idea which is my last blog post, about the ASMR platform. You should check it out haha. 

OKAY! I’m outt here. 10:15 in the morning on January 24th 2022.

x. Spark Twain